Are you getting what you want, and by that I mean are you getting sex the way you like it? Sure, you and your partner make love regularly but are you really satisfied with what you do together? If your answer is “Yes, I am perfectly content with my sex life,” then that’s great. But if your answer is closer to “Umm… well…not so much” then perhaps it’s time for a change. Here are some tips for getting what you want in your sex life and enjoying it with your partner.
Know what you want
This sounds painfully obvious, but it’s not as simple as you may think. There are numerous reasons why it can be hard to answer the question, What do I want? Some people shut down their desires because they feel funny about them. Others have a very limited knowledge of the countless ways that humans can express themselves sexually. Many individuals don’t understand their bodies very well so they don’t know how to work them properly either. Listen to your body…it will talk to you!
Understanding what you want requires being open to your most personal thoughts and feelings. There is no need to be judgmental about desire. What do you fantasize about, either during lovemaking or when you’re alone? Fantasies are often crazy and unrealistic, but there may be elements that could easily be acted out in the bedroom. If you believe that you are lacking in sexual knowledge, then give yourself permission to learn more through reading books, watching movies, or surfing the web.
Ask for what you want
Now that you have a good idea of what you want, share it with your partner. Try to frame your request in a positive way. Don’t complain about how dissatisfied you are with the status quo. Instead, talk about how much you love your private time together and how it exciting it would be if he or she did a certain thing. If he or she seems unwilling to consider your request, then you need to find out why. Once you understand your partner’s hesitation, you may be able to come up with a compromise that would be rewarding for both of you.
Give your partner what he or she wants
Listen, If you’re getting what you want, it’s only fair that your partner gets what he or she wants, right? A sexual relationship should be mutually satisfying or it will hit the rocks pretty quickly. Give your partner an opportunity to talk about his or her own desires and do your best to fulfill them. Ladies, don’t withhold sex as a punishment. If something is bugging you, fix the real problem instead of letting your resentment spill over into the bedroom. And gentlemen, you need to understand that pleasing and fully satisfying your partner is the most effective way of getting more sex. My advice…let your guard down and get risque!