Middle aged, and Single…

Are there advantages to being midlife and single? There are also disadvantages as well. How many of you fall into this category? Some might tell you absolutely not! I’d say absolutely “YES”…but most of my reasons are the most apparent ones; don’t need someone to tell me what to do, don’t need or want someone to argue with, don’t want to share the remote control, and last but not least…really don’t want the hassle. Besides the obvious, love hurts! I actually enjoy single life, as I needed to take the time to physically get to know who I was and what I wanted. I never wanted a man to think that he has to take care of me,..at least not financially so to speak.

 Due to social reasoning, middle-aged singles can be disadvantaged when it comes to finding that special someone.Some of the difficulties that many singles older than 40 face are changes in friendships and financial problems. If they were married previously, they may still have a high debt ratio from their previous relationship. My thoughts are quite simple…I’d consider that going backward, and if I want to go backward I can do that quite well all by myself. With a lot of the married friends, there is not a lot in common anymore and society sometimes caters to couples more, and sometimes we singles feel a bit alienated.

 Some suggest getting involved and doing things with singles our age…..I don’t think that it is necessarily to focus on dating, but a social support system might be what a lot of us need. I personally think the best thing is to not focus on searching for someone, but to do something you want to do, such as taking a class or finding a place where you would find like-minded people, and you might find a date or even just some new friends.

 I truly do believe that women are more disadvantaged than men when it comes to dating. Sometimes for women it is harder because of the danger. What danger you ask? The safety net…it is missing,.. and women put themselves in a position where they are quite emotional and vulnerable. I don’t know about you, but I have a wall built around me that is so thick and so tall that it will take a Prince and Captain America to break it down.

 Did you know that during a recent study, they found that the majority of singles older than 40 are emotionally depressed….Why? Well, there is too much emphasis on being in a relationship and being married. People feel pressured. I don’t want to feel pressured. My mother used to (for years…and I am not joking) try to fix me up with someone. Every time I can home to Ohio to visit it wouldn’t be 15 minutes after I got in the door and the door bell would ring….Mom would call me down and say “Oh look Shelly, It’s Jimmy, he lives next door, and he’s single, or Oh look Shelly this is Bob and he has a big boat and he loves the water just like you do….oh, and he is single! Yikes….it drove me nuts!!!”

 I finally had to tell my sister to tell mom to back off or I wasn’t coming home anymore. My folks were old school though and I think that it would make them feel better if their oldest daughter was in a relationship or better yet, married. Guess what? Not going to happen. I just cannot see committing myself to someone again after all these years. I trusted a man for half of my life and he ended up really letting me down, how could I just find someone in a few months, or years and think things would change when 17 years didn’t give me anything in the end but sorrow. I want to love again, sure I do….I just don’t think that it’s in the cards for me, and I’m OK with that.

 As a single woman, I keep busy, and I try to surround myself with friends and “to keep me busy.

Don’t sit at home and pity yourself. The more you network with other people, then the more you will have a chance at meeting other people. Being a middle-aged single does not always have to be viewed as a negative thing. It can have a lot of positives. You are free to do what you want and do not have to take into consideration someone else’s feelings. You are not tied down from doing what you want.

 There are so many reasons for why middle-aged singles become desperate or depressed. Don’t fall into this trap if you are single. Don’t just settle…I don’t now about you, but I’d rather be alone than with the wrong man. I would rather be alone than miserable. If you found a partner, then that would be someone to share your life with, provide you emotional support and try to relieve some of the loneliness. Being desperate or depressed about being in a relationship, however, is probably the worst time for someone to find someone, because they will settle and possibly end up in a bad relationship. It’s better for people to become comfortable with themselves, and be alone for a while until they figure out what it is that they want and need.

 I’ve been single since my divorce for 13 years now. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long.You have to be patient, because you can’t force it to happen. My grandmother said that love finds you when you are least expecting it. In regards to online dating, I think it is OK for some people. However, what works for one person, may not work for another.

  If it (dating online) doesn’t work out, then that’s OK too. There are other ways to meet someone when they time is right. I think it is OK as long as people are careful. If you are searching for a dating site..check them out first…see if they do screening, if they don’t look for one that does. The ones that do might charge a higher monthly fee where as some might be free memberships….here’s my thought son this ladies….You get what you pay for! Don’t be cheap when it comes to sharing your heart. Do your homework and research. Personally, I would make sure you don’t have to post a picture or use your full name,…at least not right away. If a man only cares to see “you” in a photo and he is basing why he wants to see you primarily on your looks…don’t even respond, in fact …you have my permission to block his sorry ass! You can certainly provide someone with a picture after you get to know them for a bit and if you are comfy. Do it when you are ready to do it, never allow someone to make you feel like you “have” to do anything! For many people, they fear rejection, especially if they were mistreated by a spouse or a partner in the past.

 It’s not easy being in your mid 40s/50s and having to start over…love sucks, and it hurts sometimes. Be cautious, and be careful. When you are ready, and if you are ready….then, and only then can you open your heart to a lifetime of magic! As Madonna once sang….”Don’t go for second best baby, put your love to the test, you know, you know you’ve got to…make him express how he feels and maybe then you’ll know your love is real!”


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