Relationships, Men and their Confidence…


Recently something was brought to my attention. I need to make a statement here and to say I’m sorry to my friend Steve who so kindly made me take notice of  this important subject a few days ago. He was reading a blog post that I wrote titled “What Women Really Want?” He stated to me that it was all well and good, but said  Shelly, what you need to do is post an article stating how you can help guys have confidence. He said, how about talking about issues that destroy a guy’s confidence from a woman’s perspective?  He said “Should guys worry?” and “What should a woman do if her guy has one of the issues?”

Here are a few things that Steve mentioned, so I am focused on trying to make the best formulated opinions, and I did say opinions now because I am not a professional. Lets see, what are mens confidence issues pertaining to?

A) A guy’s height, (he said) especially if she’s taller

B) A small “package”

C) ED/Having to take a little blue pill
For a lot of men, ED is devastating.

D) Having a lot of body hair (especially back hair/or if it grows quickly)

E) Male boobs / weight issues

F) What if you’re not a body builder/joe 6-pack (even if you’re not overweight)
What if you’re Joe MuffinTop?

G) Job Insecurity/Low pay/make less than her
May not seem like much, but remember guys are raised from an early age that they should be the ‘provider’ in the family, and for a lot of men, they take a lot of pride in what they’re able to provide for their family (house, cars, toys, trips, etc).

Wow, my response to this? “Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be bitches!” Ladies, ladies, ladies…men are people too! Do not take a man for granted. If you love him, you love all of him, good and bad, with flaws and without flaws. My theory always has been, unless you can seriously look in the mirror and see perfection gals, back off the men and their issues. If you are going to dish it out sister you better be a perfect 10 and ready to take it!

So guys, this is for you;

Believe in your own value. Love who you are! Having a sense of self-worth makes you more attractive to a future partner. Do something to develop your sense of confidence. Whether you make a change to your physical appearance and get a new haircut or learn a new activity or take up a new sport, doing something active to boost your confidence level will help build your confidence in your relationship.

See yourself as an individual. Don’t try to completely merge with a partner, as this can destroy your sense of self. Focus on the positives. Hey ladies, your partner might not be the best looking or the tallest man on the planet, but he is your man, so treat him right! Be aware of what constitutes a healthy relationship. Make sure your partner treats you with respect and courtesy. Don’t settle for constant criticism or negative behavior.
1) Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne  to baldness. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down. You can also tear these written pieces to start feeling positive on those points., and believe me when I say this…there are a ton of positive points here!
2) Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Do you wear your emotions on your sleeve. If so, lets work on that; Each day you should chip away at it, you know,  wear it down. Truthfully, there’s no quick fix. You need to get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on. And that doesn’t mean you have to get rid of whatever makes you feel bad (many times, you simply can’t). You need to learn to accept yourself, your past, your circumstances as they are, without necessarily thinking of them as “bad.” Not only does this make you appreciate who “you” are more, but it shows others that you recognize your weaknesses and still love yourself.
3)Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road. Women must love you for you,…if they can’t or don’t or won’t, they are not real women, those would be the phony bolognas that want the nice things (material crappo) and put up with the man with flaws simply because she looks good. Well, hey, guess what sweetheart, this conversation isn’t about YOU! It’s about the man who has flaws and imperfections that has beaten a path in the ground trying to figure out what makes you happy. Guess what? Nothing is going to make you happy because you are a women who doesn’t care about the self inflicting pain you push-off on a good man as long as you get what you want. Shame on you!
4) Identify your strengths and focus on your successes. Everyone is good at something, even you…..so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you’ve declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it’s through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths.  This helps to build your confidence guys.
5) Be Positive, No Negative Nancy…., even if you don’t feel the same way. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior-they can only do so if you let them. Soooo, on that note, walk away. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others! In fact, some women find these characteristics in a man quite charming.  By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
6)Look in the mirror and smile!  Studies surrounding what’s called the “facial feedback theory” suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
7) Always Stick to your principles…. You know fellas, it might be tough, but if you don’t have something you can believe in, you don’t have anything. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what’s happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you’ve followed your principles to the best of your ability! You are a great person and if a women cannot see this, she is either as blind as a bat, or definitely NOT the woman who you would want to be with, EVER!!!
So ladies, before you make a man feel like less; think long and hard. You’d better be a real goddess! Words hurt. If you wouldn’ t want someone saying it to you, keep your yap shut and don’t be disrespectful to a man.
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2 responses to “Relationships, Men and their Confidence…

  1. Enjoyed the blog, Shell! It should gives others a lot to think about. I can only tell you from my own experience… it was never about him having a 6~pack, his height, etc., etc. It was *only* about the look in his eyes when he looked at me, the loving tone of his voice when he talked to me, the gentle stroke of his hand when he touched me, but most of all it was the “respect” he never fails to give me. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Life is wonderful…..because of him.

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