Have you ever wondered to yourself “Is this Love?” Like the old Whitesnake song you have to wonder sometimes if it is love or is it an addiction? Some people confuse the two. I’ll share with you what I’d learn, and by no means am I an expert, but I have loved in the past, so I think I know what I’m talking about.
There are many kinds of love, but what this article is concerned with is that form of love usually known as ‘romantic love’ or ‘true love’. So what is romantic love and why do we need to define it?
So often we come across the scenario that a man or woman in a relationship is asking him or herself the question: “Is it love?” So, how can someone tell? Well, does it have a hold on you? Does it keep you up at night thinking about this person? Is it like that of a feeling you’ve not experience in the past? Do you get anxious to see this person? If so, this is possibly love. Give it time, and nurture it so that it will grow into something spectacular.
If you rush it, and start acting nuts, your partner may associate you with a stalker or nut job…don’t chase this person away. Nothing comes when you hurry. My grandmother used to always tell me that love will happen when you least expect it. Well Baba, it’s been 13 years, and I am about to give up here…so if you have someone in mind, please send him to be before I’m too old to do fun things!
For some it takes a long time…for others it can happen in the blink of an eye! There are many couples whose relationship has begun in this way, but mere physical attraction, however strong, is not enough in itself to provide a basis for a lifelong relationship. This brings us on to the real heart of the question “what is love” — what is it that enables us to have a long-term, even lifelong, relationship with another human being? What differentiates love from an addiction you wonder? Gals, lets hope it’s love…you don’t want some crazy ass stalker boyfriend on your hands.
Love Addiction: What Is True Love?
In a fully loving relationship, mutuality and trust are the themes. Each partner is secure in his and her own sense of worth and believes the other has a right to grow and expand. Their have an immense level of confidence and it shows. They trust one another. They don’t need their partner to call them every day or every few hours. Some women get angry if a man doesn’t call. Back off gals, this is the fastest way to lose your man. With real true love, each encourages and provides room for that growth to become a better person. This means that you care for someone besides yourself, as in real love,…you should.
While you and your partner share many things, you may very well have separate interests and other friends of both sexes. Neither of you is threatened by the investment in and maintenance of meaningful friendships, realizing that each friendship enriches your love relationship. It also means both of you have the ability to enjoy your own solitary company, that being alone is not about rejecting the lover but a recognition that each is a whole person, not two halves of a whole, with your own unique needs and patterns of living.
Secure in each others love, you are able to respect each others boundaries. Each is trusting and trustworthy. You both work at preserving the others sense of integrity. Most of all, there is a willingness to risk yourself in the relationship, to be real, to be honest. In short, the hallmark of a loving relationship is the ability to be true to oneself while honoring and respecting the others unique being.
If this describes your relationship, congratulations! You go girlfriend! Nurture and celebrate your love! If, on the other hand, most of the above – or even some of it – doesn’t ring true, consider that you may be locked into an addictive relationship. What’s that you ask, I’d be happy to share with you what we’re learned.
Here are the characteristics:
Love Addiction: Are You In An Unhealthy Relationship?
In an addictive love relationship, insecurity and dependency are the themes. Be very careful here….you are treading on thin ice.One or both of the partners is characterized by total, all-encompassing involvement with the love interest, a sense that no one else and nothing else is important or meaningful in life. The addicted lover gauges the intensity of need for the partner as a proof of love. They want more, more, more. Their insecurities rise if they don’t get this. They question if you really care for them. Why? No confidence possibly?
In fact, this may be borne more out of fear or loneliness than out of love. Everything else is put on hold in service to the needs and wants of the lover. Old friends are neglected and previous interests abandoned. Because one partner’s desires are suspended for the other, a sense of self-deprivation develops as a sign of love. Most people are confused by this. Are you preoccupied with your lover’s thoughts, behaviors, feelings leads to dependency on his or her approval. One’s own sense of identity and self-worth are reflected in the lover’s reactions. Expressing honest emotions and real thoughts are too risky.