Did you Run?
Just as some people aid their unhealthy self-esteem by choosing to live in the past, others scamper to the other side. Why do they do this?They choose to run from the past and all of the memories and pain it brings. Just as living in that past can harm you, running from it can, too. I really don’t have a past that I could run from…..I was quite content with life, my family and my upbringing. I was the girl who studied hard, was busy with school events, couldn’t call boys, couldn’t wear make-up and had an 11:30 curfew and if I wasn’t home, my mother was waiting on the front porch with a frying pan in her hand to smack my ass. I was a good kid, and knew that my parents loved me, and this was their way of protecting me. I didn’t always agree with them, in fact, there were times that I was as angry as could be at them. They gave myself and my siblings an unconditional love like that of no other. I could only hope and pray that one day, I would have kids and raise them the same and with those values that made me a better person.
I wasn’t running away from them, or my past, rather running to my future for something better. At 19, I married and moved out-of-state with my new husband. Having lived in the same town all of my life (well the entire 19 yrs of it at that time) I got bored with the town I grew up in, tired of the girls that were popular and all of the hoopla and drama that went along with it, and I wanted more. I didn’t want to be that girl who old class mates talked about at their high school reunions….in fact, I never attended one of them. I started a new life and didn’t look back…I came home for visits but that was it! So many people who I have met over the years “do” run from their past. Running away from things in your past that scared you, angered you, or caused you emotional distress will never bring you peace. The only way that the fear, anger, and distress can disappear is to revisit the situation and try to bring some clarity to the “now.” It’s time to face the music, be the bigger person and take those bulls by the horns.
Let’s think for a minute or 5 shall we about your past? Do you have any unfinished business that is hovering over you like a dark cloud? It may be something from last week, last year, or last decade. Having unfinished business is like leaving a movie before it is over; you never know the ending. You never know who survives or thrives.Unfinished business can involve relationships, unfulfilled commitments, fragmented projects, lingering emotional problems, anger, fear, and guilt to name a few. Perhaps the most serious of unfinished business is that of tattered relationships left to decay. I was the one who was so busy trying to make every one else happy that I lost sight of what made me happy. I got lost in the shuffle….and my life became a routine.
This can be one of the most serious types of unfinished business because it may be the cause of some of the other negative feelings you have from the past. Frayed relationships can involve those of old lovers, husbands, wives, friends, coworkers, partners, or even distant acquaintances. They can exist because of your neglect or the neglect of the other person. I left so young that I really didn’t have time for the unfinished relationship avenues, but the personal avenues I needed to mend. Those personal avenues were within myself. I had to fix me! 13 years ago I divorced a man who was loving but controlling. He was a good father when he was around, and used to treat me so good, then he started drinking, and it went into a down hill spiral. He stayed out late after work, always was involved in sports and had a happy hour for almost anything just for the sake of being about to meet his friends for a beer after a long day…..where was I?
…Oh I’ll tell you where I was….I was at home raising his two children, playing the PTA mom, carting kids all over town to sporting events, or merely just trying to love, nurture, and entertain them so that they would stay so busy that they’d never have time to ask “Mommy, when is daddy coming home?” …..I didn’t have that answer…..I didn’t know when daddy was coming home. The more I yelled, they angrier he became, and the more he drank. He told me that I made him drink….sad as it is, I believed him and blamed myself for a long time, until one day the beautiful flowers that he brought me that used to matter and speak of love were the guilty flowers saying “I’m sorry” I was out so late, didn’t come home last night or said those mean things to you” flowers….I used to love flower and now, quite frankly, I hated them. For years I had that kind of marriage that you do if you are reading this and relating to it now…..I thought I was trapped, and a prisoner. My life was now ruled by him, and my actions, wants and needs didn’t really seem to matter. I was the happy housewife, the stay at home mom, and the woman who had every material possession a man could give her. Summer homes on the lake, trips, nice jewelry, beautiful cars, and a nice bank account……Guess what? It didn’t make him love me any more and it surely didn’t buy me happiness…..
Our marriage was going into a downhill spiral fast so I did the only thing that I could do. I packed the kids in his precious sports car, yes, the car he bought when I sent him out for a new family car, took my special possessions (the kids) that actually meant something to me and drove away never looking back…..where did I go?
Where else……home. Back to where my life began and where I knew a form of happiness now because I was an adult and saw the big picture. My past churned up many old memories and it showed me quite quickly what I needed to do to survive. I was no longer that loser whose husband drank because of me, I was a good mom, and on my way to figuring our what I wanted to do with my life.
Make a Change……
13 years later, I sit here and look at my past and although I ran from it then all those years ago, I was searching for sometime similar to what I had. I was a mother of two, sent them to college myself, to study abroad, and got them started in life…I raised them the same way my parents and grand parents raised me, with dignity, respect and the advice to never take “no” for an answer. I was no quitter…..in the course of 13 yrs I had over come a sexual assault, cancer 4 times and a divorce that felt worse than death itself….at that point, I realized that I was like Super Woman and that this gal could do anything! Oh I tried the work for someone else routine….and although I had a few great bosses, I have some shitty ones too. I got tired of 40 rs a week, 2 weeks paid vacation and living under yet someone elses thumb so to speak…..So,…. I started my first business when the kids were just beginning college. Like anything with everything else you learn from mistakes you make, never calling yourself a failure, because you only fail if you quit without learning,…..and I learned a great deal, in fact I could write a book on the do’s and don’ts of life as a small business owner…..you see, all of this taught me not only about life but about business as well. Today, I am the proud owner of 3 small business, and a co-owner of a very exclusive and elite dating service that is set to launch in 2013 after I master my way through all the technical issues, legalities and red take bullshit.It will be for the high-class daters, the sugar daddies, sugar mamas, and everyone in between that wishes to find their lover, soul mate, or partner.,..the one that matches them perfectly and meets those certain specifics that most sites tend to overlook.
Of all of these businesses…. what is my favorite? My lingerie shop and the newest addition for my plus size store that hasn’t been developed completely yet but is in the “works” and scheduled to launch this fall. Today, I volunteer at shelters, speak at women’s shelters to give courage to the women who are beaten and battered by spouses, boyfriends, partners, or strangers (like I was.) These men were (are) cowards and women feel they have no way out. My daughter and I donate all of our business attire and shoes at the end of the year to assist these women who have nothing, like myself, years ago, someone did for me, I believe whole heartily in “Karma” and the what goes around comes around theory. I volunteer for charity events and cancer benefits. Why? Why not? Because at one time in my life, complete strangers did something good not only for myself, but my children, and we will NEVER forget that unconditional love that we learned about in a new way.
Simply Luscious Lingerie is the name, please remember it. I decided on this line of products to show women that they are beautiful. that they do matter and to respect themselves and love who they are regardless of their profession, size, shape, color, or appearance. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. I want women to build their self-esteem, to reach down deep and grab hold of that confidence! We all have that business savvy in us…..you just have to do what I did, take the bull by the horns and determine what it is that you wish to do with your life? What did I do? I missed the simple life, the life that taught me to be who you are and not to run away from your problems,…Oh I had a few, so I came back to that one place that meant more to me now than it did when I was 19……I came home! I can run my businesses from anywhere my laptop goes,… so why not here, and why not now? I feel safe, and secure and although I love to travel and am a jet setter at times, I want to be here. I came home to spend quality time with my family, to find the Michele that I once knew who really didn’t drift all that far away, and to focus on me. My kids are raised and young adults doing well on their own, and now, it’s time for me to live my dreams and find my true happiness.
It’s time to take your bull by the horns…….Think back on a past relationship that just dissipated and you (or the other person) did nothing to bring the relationship to closure. The relationship could have been damaged over an argument, a misunderstanding, or simply because of geography or time. Think back on your past, and what you want to fix and make right…..it’s time to come full circle.
Lay your past to rest and look ahead…..your future is bright and you have the world at your fingertips…..Only you can determine what you need. Stop running…..Only you can make the necessary changes……Are you happy, or hiding in your past? Are you seeing the world or looking at the same 4 walled room, or closet type area where it all stays the same, nothing changes and there is no adventure? Can you envision a new way? How do you know that you won’t like something dangerous, adventurous or exciting if you never try? It’s really difficult to criticize someone else about their life and their habits, and their life style if you know nothing other than the same ordinary life that you do. Haven’t you ever been curious to do more, see more? If you died tomorrow, could you say today that you lived your life to its fullest, and that you were happy with how your life turned out?..Financially, in business, and your love life/personal life? Wouldn’t you like to be extraordinary? Make a change…If so,….take baby steps, and try something new….you just might like it! Don’t do it for others though……Do it for YOU!
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