The Bee Gees sang about it in the early 70s and now the question is still at hand? How can you mend a broken heart? When you suffer a break up whether it be a long marriage or a relationship gone south, how do you pick up the pieces and move forward? For some it is quite easy. I’ve watched friends, one in particular go from one boyfriend to another, over and over. She can never figure out what she is doing wrong and why he leaves? Hello…why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free? You’re new boobs are not going to make a difference. You need to change on the inside or no one will ever love you on the outside. The answer for everyone else is, it takes time.
Mending a Broken Heart. The Do’s & Don’ts
Even though it may seem impossible at this time, below are some tips to help you through this hard time. First understand that it’s the loosing of love that is excruciating, not the love itself. Gradually you have to pull away and come back to the real world. Don’t fall into the “poor me” trap. The truth is, people get dumped every day! Deal with it. When I say that I do mean it in the kindest way. Everyone has a sensory button within and all of us run on difference juice and energy. What works best for me, might not work effectively on you. Here are some things to try to help assist you in easing the pain…
Writing– buy a journal or type out everything that you are feeling. It can be random thoughts and feelings. Get it all out. Read through it to see if anything is missing and continue to add to it as needed…better yet, here’s a powerful thought…write a blog!
Relive your Relationship– write down all the good times and all the bad ones. No matter how heartbreaking it is to go through it again you need find out why the relationship went bad.
Make a List– list out your ex’s good qualities and bad ones. Make sure it’s a complete list down to the little things that drove you crazy. You’re crazy list will probably be real long now that you think about it and look back on the relationship with a new set of eyes.
Decide what you want– even though you may not be ready to date yet, write down all the qualities that you want in a partner and what you don’t want. Make sure that you are specific. Don’t settle. You want what you want…there is a happy meeting in the middle, yes, just don’t change who you are to appease them for goodness sakes.
Don’t be afraid to CRY and find something to take your aggression out on. A pillow, golf ball, racquetball or anything that isn’t living or breathing. You’ll feel much better! Save yourself the money of therapy. I went there after my divorce and for $150 an hour she gave me a Nerf bat and told me to smack stuff with it. How about I smack her until she gives me my money back!
Try taking the “I” out– rather than focusing on your feelings and needs you need to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and see what it would have been like to date you. Make a list of the things you would have done different or better. Was their needs met or did you have to high of expectations. Did you nag or degrade them? When you realize where you went wrong it can easily bring back all the heartbreaking memories
Don’t get Mad, Get Even! How you do is by proving that they were wrong about you. Did they think you were fat? In my opinion, that’s just cruel, but people can be real assholes. This is done by getting in the best shape you possibly can. I dont’ necessarily mean to shape up as in lose weight, I mean shape up and build your inner strengths that this partner knocked done time and time again. Exercise does wonders for your self-confidence; helps you take out pent-up aggression and will make your ex wonder what got into you and their heart will be breaking because they let you go..really? Who writes this crap? No…You do it for you and the heck with that old partner…vamoos! They are no longer your worries. Do not allow them to take up any more of your time. They are like an unwanted tenant living in your head not paying rent. Get rid of them! I can assure you that they are not worried about you at all, so DO NOT give them the satisfaction whatsoever! Take all that you got out of that relationship and use it for the future so that you don’t fall victim of a person like this again.
Get Out and LIVE!– go shopping and buy a new wardrobe. Get a makeover. Take care and pamper yourself. This is my favorite part of break ups! Finally you pamper YOU!
Put a beautiful smile on regardless of how your feeling, never let them know that they got to you. When they know that they are under your skin, they work harder to stay there. Do not allow this, not only are they being quite childish, it proves that you are weak. Don’t let them do this, you deserves far better!
Start talking– to everyone and anyone. Make new friends, just don’t bring up the ex. This is your new life without them in it. Remember you were a person before they came along.
Make a list of all your qualities and everything you have to offer. If you don’t love you then who will? If you want to sell yourself to a new person, you have to be the best at your game.
Make a list of your goals that you want to pursue. It can be anything from taking a cooking class, a new career or a dance class. Start working towards them. For me it was to start a business. If anyone would have told me 15 years ago that I would become a single mother of two, get educated and start a business I wouldn’t have believed them. YOU have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and giddy up to a new attitude! You can do anything you put your mind to. My grandmother told me once; “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door~” I built plenty and I will forever continue to build them.
Pack up the evidence and all of his other crap that leaves memories….of your relationship together. Put it in a box and set it in the garage or somewhere you don’t have to look at it until you are over your heart-break. Or do what I did…burn it. Why keep it around? Is it healthy, NO.
Stop the pain triggers that are heartbreaking. Change you ways, try new things and for goodness sakes, get out and mingle with new people! You have to enjoy life. Don’t let someone who never had the intentions of making you their priority steer wrong your new options.
Stop ALL of….the calls, emails and texts. If for some reason you absolutely have to communicate then keep it short and strictly business. NO PERSONAL STUFF. They will use it against you to keep you hanging on or make you feel bad by telling you what they are doing. DON’T DO IT! You need a break time, when you’re heartbreaking is done then you can become friendlier.
Flush out all of negative thoughts about everything. Think only positive things and you will attract more positive in your life. If you only think negative thoughts then you will attract more pain and negativity.
Start to mingle again…with the opposite sex and try flirting a little. You don’t need to jump into another relationship, but just start talking so you feel comfortable again. Too many people do this and it backfires most of the time. Give yourself time and space to heal, otherwise this person will be under your skin for a long time. You can’t begin to heal with a bad taste in your mouth, so buck up little cowboy and ride this horse into town at your own pace! This will give you the confidence for when you are ready to date. Just don’t talk about the ex….not only is that bad, it is quite unhealthy for you. Yes, broken hearts do mend, it just takes time.
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