Time to Put Your Big Girl Panties On!


 Is it always about competition with women? Why do women tend to pick on other women? I see it in the workplace…tearing another woman down because of looks, dress or what her private life may be. I see it more so in bars and night clubs. How old are we?Are you for real? Yet we consider ourselves ( as women) to be more sensitive and empathetic than men. If this is the case, and if it is really true, why so often are we  so mean to other women? I think it has a lot to do with how we view ourselves. Honestly I believe that our minds tend to get filled with the insecurity of…. “how do you look” Are you young enough, pretty enough, is your figure good enough? Seriously? Ladies…” Why go through being insecure about ourselves?  Why can’t you just be happy with who “you” are?

 The truth is women love to compete with other women. Women want to win men over. They want to be chosen by a man who could have any girl he wants. No woman of caliber wants to win a man by default. She wants her man to be a prize, a good catch, someone she can be proud of. When you tell a woman that her significant other is handsome or intelligent, she’ll likely beam with self satisfaction. In complimenting her man, you’ve complimented her. You have told her, in so many words, that she is capable of attracting a quality mate. The women who rail against this usually have a low self esteem and thus avoid competition because they fear they’ll always fail….or they’re ugly. You pick. I’m not sure if this is socialization or biology. After all, how many men are constantly exclaiming that they couldn’t get a date to save their lives when they were single, only to snag a girlfriend and be surrounded by willing seducers? It happens all the time. There are no exceptions.

 Did you know that most women are highly competitive by nature, and it seems that men have an innate ability to bring out their most competitive streak, without even meaning to. Although some women will gracefully bow out if they see that the man they’ve had their eye on is already involved with another woman, others will see this as a challenge that they can’t help but take on. In fact, for some, it renders the man in question even more desirable. But why is this? Why do women compete for men? This is soooo crazy to me? Are there not enough fish in the sea that we have to try to stake our claim on one in particular? The truth is that while the man may be flattered that another woman is interested in him, such tactics will only make the interested party look disrespectful and aggressive, and will not help her cause at all. True love is not something that can be found using hateful or underhanded means.

Ladies, know your strengths and weaknesses and find comfort in both sides of the list. The root of negative competition is, unfortunately, jealousy and the fear that you cannot obtain the true success that you want. First, develop a stronger belief in yourself, your abilities, and your dreams!!  Create quarterly goals which support your personal accomplishments. Make sure that these goals are for your own personal and/or professional happiness, and aren’t derived from your need to “beat” your partner or supersede their level of success.

First and foremost find confidence in yourself. Know your strengths and weaknesses and find comfort in both sides of the list. The root of negative competition is, unfortunately, jealousy and the fear that you cannot obtain the true success that you want. First, develop a stronger belief in yourself, your abilities, and your dreams. Know and understand your partner’s drive and find appreciation in it. Your partner’s strengths and ambitions are probably what attracted you to in the beginning of the relationship. Take yourself back to those days and identify the things you enjoyed about your partner.

 Ok, so they say that healthy competition is good. It keeps you on your toes. It helps drive you to a higher level of success. However, bad competition is toxic, destructive, and debilitating.This behavior brings out the worst in individuals and prevents partners from achieving success that’s free from damaging personal distractions. Healthy and even playful competition helps partners bond together, develop together, and learn together. Being mindful of disparaging, competitive behavior is key to keep a growing relationship constructive. There are ways to avoid creating a negative. Are you wearing your big girl panties? If not, put them on and just deal with it!

 
 

 
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