So, after you’ve been abused, burnt by your relationship, hurt to the fullest of extremes and feel as if you were just kicked in the mud, how do you pick up the pieces and survive an unhealthy relationship? Most of the people I’ve spoken to state that due to fear and repeated rejection that it is a difficult task at hand. So can you make a difference in your life if you follow healthy suggestions and tips of advice from others? Do you believe them when they say that this relationship will be different or are you like me…someone who walks around with her guard up constantly just waiting from the bottom to drop out?
1. Know that they likely won’t change. One of the common phrases you hear from people in unhealthy relationships is that it’s not as bad as it seems. Unfortunately, this is often a smokescreen to hide a sad reality from the outside world. If you’re holding on to the hope that things will change, you must know that this may not be the case. While some people do find the fortitude to turn their lives around, a person who is abusing you will likely continue to do so. Take the necessary steps to protect your safety, and then focus on getting help to heal the abusive relationship.
2. No more “he said she said crap”....Avoid the blame game. An abusive significant other may make you feel like you deserve the treatment you get. They can even go so far as to say that it’s your fault that they abuse you. The truth is that you’re a valuable person that deserves to be treated with respect. No one deserves abuse, and this includes you.
3. Make confidence your best defense! Yes, you heard me,… that inner you and your confidence should be your #1 weapon to guard your heart so that you aren’t at risk over and over. your greatest weapon. An abusive spouse may try to make you feel inferior and weak. Instead, choose to consider yourself as valuable. Your feelings and thoughts really do matter! You deserve love, respect, and the room to grow and explore the things you’re passionate about. Your partnership should be one that considers the needs of both of you as decisions are being made. You deserve the dignity and empowerment to be who you are without fear. Remind yourself of that fact as often as you can, because your confidence will be your most potent ally in the relationship challenges you face and it is something that you need to survive.
4. Watch for the signs of abuse! Remember that not all abuse is physical. Some relationships do, sadly, degrade to the point of physical abuse. However, that’s not the only form of mistreatment. Some abuse can be psychological or emotional. While the signs of emotional or psychological abuse aren’t as obvious, this abuse can also be very damaging.
5. Seek wise counsel. If you’re a religious person, seek the advice of your pastor or spiritual leader. If not, confide in a trusted friend that you believe will provide wise advice from an unbiased perspective. Get help from a professional counselor who can guide your individual journey to health and healing. •A friend or trusted advisor can often see things that you and your partner are blinded to, because intimate relationships are filled with emotions that cloud your view. It’s more helpful to seek the advice of someone who’s unbiased, rather than someone who simply jumps to your side and defends you no matter what. Although such a friend can give you much-needed support, their advice is also biased and that could get in the way and seriously cloud your judgement in the long run.
My advice, and I am no expert here….My grandmother always used to say, think with your heart, but LISTEN to your head! This is not time to tear someones head off our of rage, gather your thoughts, and try to talk it out. Using force is not the answer, and it certainly is not at all healthy. You need to heal, not continue to hurt!