We’ve used body language for decades to piece together what someone was like or what they were thinking. Often more so than not, what we were reading from the person’s body language was disastrous! There are many forms of body language, and most popular would be using body language to flirt with someone. My grandmother used to always say that you can speak to someone without ever having to utter a word. Body language is the meaning behind the words or the “unspoken” language. Surprisingly, studies show that only up to an estimated 10 percent of our communication is verbal. The majority of the rest of communication is unspoken. This unspoken language isn’t rocket science. However, there are some generalizations or basic interpretations that can be applied to help with the understanding or translating of these unspoken meanings. Here are some basics below.
Smile – People like warm smiles. It is a cheery hello.
Eyes – If you don’t look someone in the eyes while speaking, this can be interpreted as dishonesty or hiding something. It’s happened to me several times and I truly believe it. Likewise, shifting eye movement or rapid changing of focus/direction can translate similarly. If more than one person is present in a group, look each person in the eye as you speak, slowly turning to face the next person and acknowledge him or her with eye contact as well. Continue on so that each person has felt your warm, trusting glance. Some suggest beginning with one person and moving clockwise around the group so that no one is missed, and so that you are not darting around, seemingly glaring at people.
Attention Span / Attitude – Other people can tell what type attitude you have by your attention span. If you quickly lose focus of the other person and what is being said, and if your attention span wanders, this shows through and makes you seem disinterested, bored, possibly even uncaring, an dyou look like a rude selfish prick.
Attention Direction – If you sit or stand so that you are blocking another in the party, say someone is behind you, this can be interpreted as rude or thoughtless. So be sure to turn so that everyone is included in the conversation or angle of view, or turn gently, at ease and slowly, while talking, so that everyone is incorporated, recognized and involved in the conversation. Again some suggest the clockwise movement when working a group.
Arms Folded / Legs Crossed – This can be seen as defensive or an end to the conversation. So have arms hang freely or hold a glass of water, a business card or note taking instruments while communicating with others. Be open with open arms. Note: If you need to cross legs, cross at your ankles and not your knees. Sitting tightly folded up says that you are closed to communications.
Head Shaking – This is fairly accurate. If people are shaking their heads while you speak, they are in agreement. If they are shaking, “no,” disagreement reigns in their minds.
Space / Distance – On the whole, people like their own personal body space. Give people room and keep out of their space. Entering to close can be intrusive and viewed as aggressive.
Leaning – Sitting or standing, leaning is viewed as interest. In other words, an interested listener leans toward the speaker.
Note others’ body language – Are you getting a certain vibe from someone but you can’t put your finger on it? Knowing what each movement of ones body means sure does help to justify things in and during a conversation. While you are with others, note how their bodies read. If a person suddenly folds his arms across his chest and begins shaking his head “no,” you’ve probably lost him. Might try taking a step back and picking up where the conversation began this turn for the negative and regroup. It’s all about planning and understanding ones body language. This can tell a lot about a person. What does your body language say about you? If you are still not sure, pick up this book; It will be of great assistance for you.