Love, Lust, and Passion…Does it Fade?

Now, I’m no expert here but tell me if this sounds familiar to any or you? After you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you’re likely to encounter a time when the passion dies down? Is yours fading? Yes? No? Do we sacrifice passion for feeling safe and secure? It is indeed ironic, now that baby boomers can have as much sex as they want, they seem to have lost their desire for it. That’s right…fizzle. Kaput! Common thinking is that romance and passion fade over time. Familiarity, comfort, security take over. A newer more hopeful theory is that we unwittingly degrade romance and passionate sex, place it in the background, and bring security and safety into the foreground. We squeeze the life out of the relationship.

Many men are cherished but starving lovers. They know their wives love them. That’s why they have stayed all these years. But what hurts so much is that they’ve never felt wanted by her. It is so difficult not to take such repeated rejection personally.

For some people, love and desire go hand in hand. For others, emotional intimacy shuts down erotic response. Is it possible to experience lust and excitement with the same person you look to for comfort and stability? Is intimacy knowing everything about each other? Or does it include maintaining a sense of separateness and consequently, mystery? Feeling erotically impoverished in relationship is draining and refusing to tolerate this situation allows one to bring more authenticity to the partnership. This is not without risk and often takes one beyond one’s comfort zone. It is, however, another way of taking care of a marriage.

Erotic intimacy is an act of giving and taking. We must enter the erotic space of our partner without fear that we will lose ourselves. At the same time, however, we need to surrender to the experience of self-absorption while in another’s presence without the fear of being abandoned.

Everyone falls into certain patterns that are comfortable. Is that it? Do we just get ‘to comfortable’ with our partner? Is there some truth to this? Try breaking out of your comfort zone every so often, you’ll experience a sense of newness in your relationship. It’s important to seek out that certain spark you felt when you first got together with your partner. Those feelings are still there, you just might need to be creative in finding ways to bring them out again.

Here are some ways that you can reignite the passion in your relationship:

1. Go out of your way. That’s right…YOU. It’s not all about YOU…so do try to do something for him/her. Remember at the beginning of your relationship how you would go out of your way to make your partner extra happy? Make these efforts again! It’ll surprise your partner and be a reminder about how much you love them.

  • It doesn’t have to be an everyday thing, but everyone deserves a little “above and beyond” treatment!

2. Show your gratitude. You often think to yourself how grateful you are that your partner did something for you, and it’s important to let your partner know of your gratitude, too.

  • You can do this through better communication and positive actions. Many times a simple, “Thank you for…” statement will let him know how much you appreciate his efforts.

3. Be considerate. Sometimes your partner is the only one who will allow you to be blunt and abrupt. It’s important to vent, but remember to act considerate around your partner as much as you can.

4. Spend time alone together. Everyone is busy, but you need to make the extra effort to have alone time together. It’s still important to make dates with each other and do things you’ve never done before. My parents were just married for 50 years and they still have date night every Wednesday.

5. Show affection. There are certainly ways to show your affection for your partner beyond bedroom activities. Show your love for each other with gentle touches and hugs. Snuggle together on the couch and just enjoy the closeness. Get a little crazy…do something that you generally would not do to spark his/her interest.

6. Seek adventure. Kick it up a notch. Get daring…Everyone has his or her own definition of adventure. You and your partner may even find different things adventurous. Do some of these activities together. Engaging in exhilarating activities can certainly ignite the passion. If you don’t know where or how to get started…I have 2 words for you; REDDI WHIP. Every fridge should be well stocked with this as well as canned chocolate syrup, cherries, and ice cream. Make a body sundae. You don’t have to do this every day…but an occasional pastry treat of sorts might be just what the doctor ordered! Draw her a hot bath, and imagine her a body sundae to devour!

7. Enjoy your own alone time. On the other side of the coin, it’s a good idea to spend time away from your partner as well. Everyone needs space at times. Also, time apart can build up the anticipation for some of the things you may have planned with your partner. Alone time is all well and good, but what happens after the busy day is what keeps the lines of communication going. I’ll say this in 2 words….PILLOW TALK. Have it, love it, and appreciate it.

8. Share your dreams and your goals. Keep an open conversation with your partner about your future plans. Things may not always go according to plan, but it’s good to talk about your dreams and goals. Support one another!

  • While it’s fun to discuss what things were like at the beginning of your relationship, it’s also enjoyable to discuss where you think things are going.

9. Surprise! Surprise your partner with a gift. It doesn’t have to be something expensive; in fact, you could even make it yourself. Just explore some thoughtful ideas that will let your partner know that you care about them. is a great place to find luxury and sexy lingerie at affordable prices!

 You’ll find passion in your relationship as long as you make an effort to break up the monotony. Communicate well, spend time together, and explore new activities together. When you do, you’ll discover the keys to a successful passionate relationship.You and your partner are headed in a new direction. Instead of a split between love and lust, your new path lies in the tensions between opposites – committed love and red hot sex, security and excitement, continuity and novelty, safety and adventure, comfort and passion.

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