Ladies…Make Your Dating Check List!
My grandmother used to always say follow your heart, but listen to your gut. Sometimes men of our past that we thought might be the ‘potential’ guy turn out to be a really misconceived mess. I believe that reality gives us a happy dose of ‘good medicine’ and points us in the right direction. Things happen for a reason and after last night, my past and my thoughts about men came back around full circle making me wonder ‘why do guys act like dicks, and why can’t they just be honest and upfront?’ I find that most men that we meet aren’t really real men. What does that mean? It means that when push comes to shove and it comes right down to it that a lot of men don’t have the balls to lay their cards on the table and just say what it is that they feel or what they want. They build up this facade of what they think a woman wants in a man, but they aren’t really ‘that man.’ After being out with the girls, I realized that some people that we held high regard to, and that we respected at one point turn out to be nothing more than a real piece of work, or a ‘real hot mess’ …if you will.
Most women that I know will put their thoughts right out there. So why is it then that men beat around the bush and have no idea how to express themselves in person? (not all men, just some) They hide behind an email, a phone call or a text message. In the past few months I have gone out with some real doozies for sure. For example; Why do guys lie? Why say you’ve been married twice when you’ve been married oh I don’t know say maybe 4 times? BIG DIFFERENCE…2 and 4. RED FLAG? You bet it is! What does this tell me? They are doing something terribly wrong and I’m not about to fall into victim #5! Why do men say “let’s do this again” when they have NO intentions on wanting to see you again whether it was chemistry, or just an uneasy feeling? Why not just spit it out and say “Hey, it was nice, but this is the end of the road here?” Why not face to face, why hide? Why do men say that they’ll call, and then they don’t? Why all the excuses? It’s like the Justin Long and Scarlett Johansson movie, “He’s just Not That Into You!”
Why do men say that they would do anything for a woman when that isn’t really necessarily true? It could be something as little as saying that they’ll travel with her only to find out later that they’ve never stepped foot on a plane nor will they ever. Are women disappointed by men that act like this? You bet we are! So what is it? Are they cowards that can’t really say how they feel? Are they hoping that if they tell you what you want to hear it will prolong the inevitable? Or do they just want to get into your britches and say what they ‘think’ you want to hear?
Last night I was out to dinner with the girls and we talked about ‘a list’ of qualities; wants/needs that some women have. They use this list when they begin to date a man. We all agreed that this particular list that my friend shared was over the top and pretty intense, nevertheless, every woman should have a list of her own with her own realities of what she would personally like/want/need in a relationship. We left dinner and went to a bar where the crowd was different, but the atmosphere was fun. After being there a few hours I spotted across the room an old friend that meant something to me at one time of my life. He was another one that couldn’t just be honest or honest without some liquor in him to spit out what he really wanted to say, and even then he did a half ass job at doing it.
For months I thought maybe I was too harsh, or maybe I just expected too much. Maybe I needed to come down off my high horse list of my own dating rules…and then I realized NO! I was not going to cave and just settle for any man when I could have THE MAN. You see ladies, things DO happen for a reason, and last night when I saw this man who would NEVER have stopped to say hello to me had I not put myself in front of him to see if he really had the guts to stop… and although he did, but only because he had to pass me to get to the men’s room, it was just what I had expected it would be….short meaningless words, a few smiles and a ‘hey it was nice seeing you again.’ 1) after months of beating myself up, I realized that we were two completely different people indeed, 2) He wasn’t really anything special, and 3) He was meeting a woman for a first date in this particular bar of all places. That was when I realized that maybe my standards are high, BUT high they will stay. This is when I realized that we were two completely different people and I wanted so much more than he ever will. This is when I thanked my gut as I starred across the room thinking to myself…’I deserve better.’ This is when I realized that with or without a man in my life, I am just happy being me. This is when I realized that I was glad that I was not that woman who would just settle.
The bottom line here again is honesty,integrity and trust. Wake up boys…no woman wants a user or a loser. Perhaps we all need to rethink our ‘list’ of what we want in a relationship? Is a list too critical? Sure it is, (and if it isn’t, it should be!) This is your future we’re talking about here. My time is quit valuable and so should your time be. Never invest all of your time with someone making them a high priority when they only see you as an option. Never settle for ‘just OK.’ The moral of the story here is listen to your gut…it knows what it best for you.Trust is the most important building block of a successful relationship. If you can’t trust a man, it makes no difference how great he is in bed, what kind of money he makes or how great the chemistry is between you. If you find yourself with a guy who doesn’t honor his word and agreements with you there is only one thing you must do…. Run! Isn’t love supposed to make you feel good? Isn’t a man supposed to enhance your life and make it better? Ladies, don’t settle for Mr Wrong.