Relationships: Why Men Choose to Lie to Women


From the time I was a young girl, I was raised to tell the truth, to be open, honest and I learned that communication was key. I watched my parents live a lifetime of love and open communication. I learn from the best. In essence, this certainly prepared me for my more mature days nonetheless, there were many things that I did not learn, that I was very naive of and that I still to this day DO NOT understand. This article is about the role a man plays when he enters into a relationship knowing that he is keeping the truth from his partner. Why do men choose to lie? When I say partner, I do not mean a long time lover, girlfriend, etc. This man could be a guy you have only dated once or twice. He is the man who has every option to be up front,…to lay his cards on the table and the one who holds the cards to a certain degree…so WHY then, can he not just tell the truth? Are they afraid of commitment, or getting caught if they are in a relationship with someone else, or married, which is even worse? This is about why men lie, or bend the truth. John Le Carre once said; “Betrayal can only happen if you love.” I totally disagree.

From the time a man opens his yap even if it is on a first text, phone call, or date; if he hides the truth, (if he is in a relationship already or has a wife) he is being dishonest from the get-go. Here’s my thoughts; why not just be honest and allow the woman to make a decision based on his honest statement? Because that is far too easy, and he doesn’t want to risk getting caught. Guess what fellas? Women are not as stupid as you think. I did not believe in ever prying into a mans life, nor did I feel that I should have to do research on him prior to a date, that was then, this is now.

You don’t buy a house or a car without doing research on the product, so why in the hell would you jump into a solid relationship or date a man more than once if you didn’t take the test drive first to find out if the goods are really priceless? Do you have doubts? Are things not adding up? Does he like to text and rarely talk? Are your meetings at his convenience and not yours? Does he leave you hanging and just disappear while in a conversation via text, phone, chat or email? Is he lying to you? Are you feeling uneasy? Do you need answers? I have several ways to dig for the truth, but lets start with something easy shall we? In today’s society, the internet is your best friend, so learn how to use your resources! Try this; Google his name. See what comes up? Paper trails are easy to follow when people are messy and stupid. If you wish to get more in-depth; use this source. 1) Enter His Email Address 2) See Hidden Pics & Social Profiles Now! Spokeo.com/Find-Cheaters

Who is this man and what kind of guy does this? He is probably the man who no one would ever expect to do such a thing. He is that one man who is probably the perfect son, brother, boyfriend, husband or partner. He is the man who sweeps in and gets under your skin and before you know it you are an emotional basket case of feelings…What you didn’t know what that In some form or another, and through concealment and or much fabrication, he was or is deceptive to you.

Let’s face it, deception plays a role in all of our relationships. Most people, however, do not like to acknowledge this, especially when it comes to love and romance. Every now and then, people discover something about a romantic partner which makes the issue of lying impossible to ignore. Making such a discovery can be unsettling because it violates our basic notions about intimacy and trust. It is not fun to think about the lies people tell to those they love. Nonetheless, at the same time, people tend to be curious about the topics which couples try to hide and conceal from each other.

Relational Issues

  • Time Together – people lie about the reasons why they can’t spend time together or see each other (“I am so busy, I have so much work to do, I don’t have time right now”)….
  • Past Relationships – partners lie about their past level of involvement (“I never really loved her,” “I am much closer to you,” “I love you so much more than anyone else”)…
  • Feelings, Interest, Crushes, and Attraction to Others – people lie about their feelings and interest in others – often includes ex-partners, friends, someone at work…
  • Secret Contact – lovers lie about their friendships, time spent with others, accidental encounters (running into ex), phone calls, e-mails, and text messages with others. Essentially people lie about intimate, but non-sexual contact with someone else…
  • Level of Commitment – people lie about their feelings for partner, uncertainty or doubts about the relationship – not sure really love or want to marry partner or stay together…
  • Flirting with Others – people lie about flirting with others…
  • Betraying Confidences – lovers lie to each other about keeping secrets confidential…
  • Hide Time with Others – people hide activities and time spent with others – usually friends or coworkers…

Sexual Issues

  • Sexual Fantasies – lovers conceal having sexual fantasies about others during sex. Or thinking about sex with someone else – usually the fantasy involves a partner’s friend, family member, or a co-worker…
  • Sexual History – lovers lie about the number of past partners, unsafe sex practices, what they have and have not done with others, their virginity, having an abortion, childhood abuse…
  • Infidelity and Cheating – spouses lie about having sex with other people… sometimes it involves issues of paternity…
  • Sexual Orientation – some people lie about same sex contact or interest…

Negative Thoughts

  • Negative Feelings towards Partner’s Family/friends – people lie about liking other people who are important to a partner…
  • Negative Feelings about Partner’s Physical Appearance – lovers lie about liking their partner’s appearance, hair, weight, age, clothes…
  • Negative Feelings about Partner’s Career – people lie about liking or respecting their partner’s job, school, career choices…
  • Negative Feelings about Partner’s Behavior/character – lovers lie about liking their partner’s kids, habits, personality, sense of humor…

Negative Behaviors

  • Drug Use – lovers lie about past or current drug use…
  • Alcohol Consumption – partners lie about alcohol consumption…
  • Smoking – people lie about smoking…
  • Gambling – lovers lie about gambling…

Differences

  • Hide Important Beliefs – lovers lie about true feelings on issues (i.e., politics, religion, pets) in order to get along with partner…
  • Enjoyment of Activities – people lie about enjoying things a partner likes to do…

Financial Issues

  • Resources – people lie about their income, resources, inheritance…
  • Debt – lovers lie about their level of debit…
  • Spending Habits – people lie about how they spend money…

Insecurities

  • Physical Appearance/health – people lie about age, weight, health…
  • Jealously – lovers lie about being jealous and snooping…
  • Career Performance – partners lie about how well work, school, career is going…
  • Family and Friends – lovers lie to make family and friends seem better…
  • Love and Emotions – people lie to their partners about feeling vulnerable, scared, and being overly emotional…

My grandmother once told me that the truth shall set you free. So why then is it so damn difficult for a man to just tell the truth? Fiction is far more believable. Well, we woman do have a tendency to refuse to believe something that is just too “easy” to be true. Poor men, where do they go at such a time. If they say the truth, they will be constantly questioned. So, they make up a more complex lie, and the women tend to fall for it! I believe that many men exaggerate about themselves in order to put up a proud front before women. They feel that if a woman discovers a “truth”, about them, they might lose a woman’s attention. Men might continue to do so, until one fine day, when their lies are chanced upon.

Often a man is not exactly lying, but he is not completely honest either. He will say the acceptable part of the truth and very conveniently “forget” about the unacceptable part of it; like he may say that he took a friend out for shopping, but he may just omit the part where his “friend” is actually his ex-girlfriend. Let’s face it; if you are his girlfriend or wife, you would at least frown at the concept. So, to keep you happy, he would simply not mention it. My non-professional advice? Women are blessed with intuition and a whole load of intellect. I say, use what your “momma gave ya”and follow your gut. If you think he may be lying or that something just does not seem right, it’s probably true. You need to decide how to proceed. Just remember, if he is lying, he is good at it. Often they tell one lie to cover up another. I wonder sometimes how they keep it all straight? Why is it so difficult to be honest?

 
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