Are you middle aged and single? Are you thinking that your biological clock is ticking away and it is time to settle down? Some women fear being alone. Some women need to be taken care of. Some women need to learn how to be independent. Is it too late for love? Is a good relationship too much to ask for? Should we settle? Years ago after my divorce I thought that being single was going to be oodles of fun! WRONG. Things are not the same, men are not the same, and times certainly have changed. Are you a good woman, a hard worker, perhaps a single parent? So many women are.
My grandmother always used to tell me to never settle. Of course I am still that hopeless romantic that things that someday, her knight and shining armor will arrive on his horse, or in his Porsche and wisk me away. A gal can hope can’t she? She said that if I wanted to get respect I first had to have much respect for myself, and I do. Her relationship advice; she said that somewhere out there was a man out that would care for me, appreciate me and love me,…for ME, faults, bad habits and all! She also said that no woman should ever put herself or her feelings on the back burner for any man. I think when we are married or in serious relationships, we as women do tend to do this. I did. After my divorce, I never did this again. This time around it was all about me. Does this sound a little familiar? Did you give, and give and give? Some women develop very low self-esteem from divorce and bad relationships. Hang in their gals.
Don’t you think you deserve happiness like everyone else? We all try to do the right thing and yet we question what it is that we do wrong in relationships? Oh please… there are so many things that we can or can’t do right in a relationship that it would take this blog and a few more books to list the goofy things that we do to muck things up…The secret to not settling is being clear on what you want and not being afraid to demand it. Some men are very intimidated by this. Why? This means that they are not in control, and that scares some men.
If you don’t know what you want in a man or from a relationship, than you shouldn’t get involved with someone- PERIOD! No reason to bring someone else down if you are trying to get your act together. You wouldn’t want someone to do this to do, so don’t do it to them. Don’t try to figure it out as you go along because you will only end up hurt and confused. Even if you know what you want, what good is it if you don’t demand the respect to receive it? If you say you want to be loved and to be number one in somebody’s life, why are you sitting around waiting for a man to leave his “situation”? That doesn’t make sense right? Think about it – why settle for good when you can have great? Time for some girl talk; listen up ladies,…stop settling! My grandmother also told me to never make a man my priority if he only saw me as an option. When you date, you see this a lot.
The alternative to settling, of course, is going on more dates where you’ll have to laugh at not-so-funny jokes and rehash (over and over and over again why you are single) … Yes, you’ll have to go into why you’re still on the market as if it wasn’t already difficult enough to talk about. Some women are still on the market because they don’t want to get burned, or they are gun-shy to relationships. Perhaps they went through a bad break up or a messy divorce that dragged on and on and on?
No one has to be with someone. Some choose to do it for all the wrong reasons. The alternative is being single. So do you settle? It’s not bad, and some women actually do settle…nonetheless, it’s just, that you know that deep down you could do sooo much better, don’t you? There you have it ladies– you can settle for a so-so relationship, you can go on countless dates, or you can be single. There’s no other choice. Most women that I know of who are middle-aged and single tell me that they like dating but they don’t know if they would ever tackle marriage again. Settling down and settling are two different things here.
We stay single for careers, and for ourselves…some of us are a bit selfish, and we have every right to be. No matter how accomplished a woman becomes, or no matter how many lives she saves, at the end of the day, a woman is more likely to judge her success in life based on two things: her weight and her love life. Hey, it’s a proven fact…like it or not there it is. Myself, I don’t want to be someones part-time, or spare time, or sometimes…I want to be his all the time, and if I cannot find that…I’ll stay single.
Why do women settle? Here are a few examples that I found while doing research on the topic;
- We settle because we’re tired of people asking “where’s your date?” upon entering parties. Really? Who the hell cares if you enter alone? Many people do.
- We settle because having someone is better than feeling flawed because at your age you’re still single.
- We settle because we’re just ready to stop this whole dating thing, already!
- Don’t settle, just to settle…aren’t you worth so much more?