Are you contemplating a new relationship with someone who likes you but wants to change your ways because he thinks you would then be the ‘icing on the cake’ so to speak? We all like it sweet, but as an old friend once said “Sugar, You don’t need a man’s approval, you are in a league all of your own!” Somewhere along the line, a rumor was started that women became known as let’s just say; “the weaker sex”…said no one ever. Ok I’ll bite…
So why don’t you tell that to Annie Oakley, Betsy Ross, Beyonce, Cleopatra, Ellen DeGeneres, Joan of Arc, Madonna, Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks or Susan B. Anthony? These women, and so many others that I have not made mention of, all strong-willed have endured their own fair share of life, heartaches, set backs and disappointments nonetheless, they are symbols of strength amongst women today. Obviously those women, an army of warriors and my guess is ALL of your friends would fiercely disagree right? We are not the weaker sex, and I am sure that I could get women around the globe to back me on this one.
So why are you surrendering yourself to get the approval of some guy? Women have radar and we generally use it all the time…I do, and it’s usually always right and has never let me down before…well, maybe once. The thing is gals that if you meet a good man and want to be with him, you should not need his approval for anything. He should like/love you for who you are with all of your pro’s, con’s, faults, and no faults highs and lows. You’re falling for an idea that psychologists call the “approval trap.” If you seek his approval, there is no turning back my friend. Before you start to defend yourself, yes, it’s great when you get affirmation from friends and co-workers for what you do. What do your friends think about this? Your true friends will try to make you understand why you should not compromise your happiness to appease him. Wake up girlfriend…can you not see the forest through the trees?
The problem is when you depend on their approval for who you are you lose touch with your independence and what makes you so special. Am I making any sense here? Do you see the difference? Handing over your self-esteem to anyone is a dangerous and usually a really damaging choice that should not be taken lightly. The person whose approval you believe that you must have can respond honestly or dishonestly. Are you willing to risk all of who you are for someone that easily? As another friend once said “Did you fall off the turnip truck and smack that nugget too hard on the pavement?” Since when do you need someone’s approval?
He could choose to be an encourager to you or he might verbally take you down to his level. Changing who you are to gain his approval is so wrong on so many levels. The price is simply too high.To attract a man who is secure in himself and ready to be an equal partner in a relationship, you have to be that kind of person. Are you that kind of woman? Are you emotionally stable, secure with who you are and happy with yourself? If the answer is no, girlfriend you need to take a good lookie deep within and ask yourself why? Once you determine what is causing you these issue you can address them and work on fixing them. You’ll be on the highway to becoming a better you. You truly can become a better YOU! My grandmother used to always tell me that if you don’t like something …change it! Like minds attract you know? If you’re an insecure and a clingy woman (which oh geez I hope you are not) who has no idea who she is, or what her goals or aspirations are in life, then why do you think you’ll attract a man who is the opposite?
The type of man that you don’t want is counting on you to play the old role of doing whatever it takes to snag him. There are a lot of fish in the sea, so do not think for a minute that you have to latch onto the first one that comes along and grabs your bait.
Are you making changes with yourself because it is what ‘you desire’ or what you know he likes? Do you change your wardrobe from business classic to low cut and glamorous because that’s what he likes? You begin doing things his way and for him, and you lose sight slowly of you. In no time, you make excuses to ditch your friends because he wants to “be alone” or “expand your circle.” Do you seriously think that the only way to snatch this guy is to give up your life and your identity to be his personal toy. Bad deal for you, great deal for him. Want my personal NON-PROFESSIONAL advise? DON’T DO IT! Don’t lose who you are. Don’t lose your ethics and values for some schmuck that thinks he can change you. Be happy with the way you are and you will find a man who will love you for all of those qualities that make you so unique.
History does have a way of repeating itself. It also shows men as pursing the hidden treasure. When motivated that the prize is worth the effort, men go to any lengths to win and get what they want. What if that treasure is you? Are you willing to make sacrifices to better suite his needs? Are you willing to lose your identity for him? Are you crazy? Any man that tries to change so many things about you that make you YOU is not the man you want to be with,…not now, not ever. Think long and hard before jumping into this frying pan ladies, the fire may be too hot and you will surely get burned!
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