For the longest time most everyone I know has had their own idea about what the right person would be like, and by ‘right person’ I am talking their mate. We search and we search and often we come up empty handed…but why? Most of us have the tendencies to see the birds-eye-view. Hey folks, it’s time for a change of scenery!
What is your version of ‘happy ever after’ really? The men/women that we search out appear to really have their shit together but as we dig deeper we find that they aren’t what we anticipated, in fact, in most cases our eyes were deceived and we were not getting the true reading of them at all. Were we only seeing what we wanted to see or did we build them up so much that everything seemed impeccable?Are you looking for that perfect someone to share your life with? Finding that elusive ideal mate doesn’t come that easily for most of us because we haven’t learned the importance of being very clear in our thoughts what type of person would truly make us happy. It is nearly impossible for the universe to deliver a perfect package.
Are we too picky? Some would say no. I say yes. Yes because you should want what you want and settle for nothing less. Lowering your standards isn’t the answer to finding love. Who wants to settle for someone less attractive, less caring, less intelligent, etc.? Some people are on an eternal quest to find a “perfect” partner, one who probably doesn’t exist outside of the story books. Since childhood, we’ve been taught to keep an eye out for Prince (or Princess) Charming. Grown-up movies and romantic comedies perpetuate these expectations and we’re waiting for the dashing hero/heroine who will intuitively understand our plight and rescue us from our suffering. Unless you fell off the turnip truck and conked your head, this doesn’t happen…(the dashing in to save the damsel in distress part anyway…) The point I am trying to make here is that often we cannot see the true perspective in full view. You have to have the mindset of finding true love and happiness, not some mythical expectations that you’ll live happily ever after. That way, if your speculations fall short, you won’t feel so let down.
The truth is, until he or she arrives, most of the time we feel rather lost. Sure we all say that we enjoy the life of being single, but are you feeling the love when you go to sleep alone every night wishing that you had someone to share ‘pillow talk’ with? We all want love, want some lasting relationships.
The phenomenon of it all is that many people seem to believe that it is way hard to find. I beg to differ…I believe that your mate is out there and that somewhere he sits waiting patiently too for the right woman to come his way. My grandmother used to tell me that the right kind of love was like a hidden treasure. Buried deep below the surface, nonetheless transparent to that one person who could see through the particles that tend to get in the way of our somewhat clouded vision. Looks are not everything. Character, ethics, loyalty, morals, and values are all part of the equation that you should have in your list of ‘wants and needs’ in your partner. Ones demeanor, and expression transform into our desires. Don’t skimp in the ‘must have’ department. When you meet the right person, things will all fall into place.
This is love found looking in the mirror, an idealized image of yourself. An attitude like this is based upon non-acceptance of whom and what we really are. When we use another person to build up our own self-image, this kind of relationship is grounded in fear. Without this person we might feel as if we were nothing, and our lives were meaningless. Love can never be built upon a foundation that is not real. If we do not feel secure within ourselves, is it really so surprising we may not really be so eager, after all, for this perfect person to appear at our door?
Many people ask me; “What keeps us from finding the love we are so hungry for?” The most common answer to this question is that we must find the perfect person. There is always something wrong with the people we meet. We look for flaws, and imperfections.
Your particular idea of what attractive is, however, could be unrealistic. While it’s ridiculous to commit to someone you aren’t fundamentally attracted to, it’s amazing how much more attractive someone becomes when you love them. Attractiveness is a quality that can vary slightly an infinite number of times throughout the day. These variations are based partly on physical attributes but also on attitude, chemistry, personality and sense of humor.
Way too often, a first date never happens because the initial attraction isn’t there. But attraction that is fully developed on a first encounter is probably skin-deep; there isn’t much hope of ever becoming any more attracted to that person than you are right now. Mature attraction grows based on traits that may be initially less apparent. Equally important is your mindset — beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. Choosing to continually look for your partner’s beauty (rather than for his/her defects) helps renew our initial attraction.
Appeal that is defined strictly in colors or measurements limits our creative capacity for seeing beauty in others. It also limits our dating options. You may be attracted to height — and that’s fine. But do you really need your partner to tower over you? You may prefer long and lean (or curvy) physiques, but are you willing to accept the common “defects” that often accompany each body type?
Certainly ones looks are largely predetermined by DNA. However, we are made more or less beautiful by our actions and attitudes. Likewise, we have the ability to paint our impressions of others in either more generous or less generous strokes. When you find someone with the baseline traits you are looking for,… look past superficial flaws.
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