Relationships and Trust

If you would have asked me several months ago or even a few years ago what I found most intriguing in men and being in a relationship my answer might have been something off the chart…why? Probably because I had such high expectations of what I wanted in a man and how I thought a relationship was supposed to work. It may have also been because I hadn’t been in a relationship for a lengthy enough time to give a good man a chance.

In the last several months, I’ve come to the realization that there is no perfect relationship, rather relations that are nourished with communication, and kindness. I’ve always been one who would say that if you are worth it, a man will do whatever it takes to make you happy. The truth is, it is not just about me or you. All relationships begin as a friendship and with the right nutrients and enough air to breathe on their own, they blossom over time into something that can be the start of a whole new chapter in one’s life.

 Get to know each other really well. Learn about each other’s biggest dreams and worst nightmares. We all have them, and our feelings do matter.  talk about your ideal plans for your life, where you see yourself in a few years? As mush as this doesn’t matter to many people, it is significant to some people, so lay your cards on the table. Discuss what your moral beliefs are. If you’re religious, discuss those beliefs now. Talk about how you both were raised. Share family stories that provide knowledge of how they’ve made you a better person. Learning about each other, your pasts and ideas on life is very important. Don’t carry baggage (mostly drama) into a new relationship. That is a BIG No-No, so clear the slate now!

Too many of us have preconceived notions about what relationships should or shouldn’t be. When you think a relationship should be a certain way, and yours isn’t, frustration sets in…and we all know that frustration is the number one thing that eats away at a relationship. Another ‘not so good’ sign is if you’re trying hard to make improvements and changes, but you don’t see the same level of effort on your partner’s part. It’s not an 80/20 relationship, it has to be a 50/50. There has to be some sense of “we’re trying really hard, both making changes and that’s making a difference.’” Otherwise, you will beat yourself into the ground trying to make this person happy and in the end you will only be exhausted, and no one needs a relationship where the work is harder than the enjoyment/satisfaction of what you both share.

Has your relationship gone down hill? They say that often daily routines are one of the culprits and I agree. As their responsibilities grow and roles expand, they say that couples have less and less time and energy for each other. My non-professional advice? You have to make the time, it’s really just that simple. Nothing is so important that a 5 second text message stating that you miss him/her won’t put a smile on your partners face. A brief phone call s that they can hear your voice and know that you miss them and care is all one needs to make them smile and understand that although you are swamped with work, or chores or even family stuff that you care about them and wanted to show it. I’m not stating that your relationship is going down hill fast because of romance, but if may be, that too can be fixed. Surly this doesn’t mean that the passion is gone for good. With a little planning and playfulness, you can boost passion.

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Treat him or her as you’d like to be treated. In simple terms; ‘be nice!’ It’s not fair for one person to set boundaries and then not be expected to keep the same ones. If you want his/hers respect you are going to have to earn it. Treat them the way that you’d like to be treated.

What destroys a relationship? Jealousy has been said to be the culprit in the destruction in relationships as well as marriages. Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship (or the lack thereof.) Jealousy is the root of all evil. Truth be told; you can’t make your partner feel more secure” or “change their self-confidence.” This has to be up to them to do on their own. Jealousy can weigh down a relationship because it shows lack of trust, and sweetheart, without trust, you have no relationship at all.

If you think that this is untrue, come down off that cloud in La-La-Land and get with the realities of your own insecurities and stop blaming your partner for this one. Honestly, there are so many people who are very good at the blame game and not so good at pondering how they can become better partners. Instead, they demand that their partners make  changes. This is a two-way street and no one ever said that being in a relationship/marriage would be easy. The problem at hand is this; too many people give up and don’t want to try. Divorce rates have skyrocketed over the past decade or two and why? Lack of trust, jealousy, and communication. If I have said it once I’ve said it a gazillion times. Talk, talk, talk to your partner.

 

Here’s how to decide if you are in the right relationship;

1) You don’t fear it, you go with the flow and enjoy the ride

2) You don’t snoop into their lives, especially their past

3) You don’t hide your relationship from people

4) You don’t act superior to them

5) You don’t lose yourself in the relationship, it’s NOT all about YOU

6) You don’t expect that person to change, you accept them JUST THE WAY THEY ARE!!

7) You don’t take, take, take

8) You miss them when they are away

9) You don’t smother them wanting to always be together, you give them space

10) You TRUST them!

 

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Why Relationships Go Bad?

Why do relationships go south when they seemed to be going so well? Even worse, how are you going talk about this to people? Your perfect relationship, the one that was destined to last forever, just fell to pieces… and now, it’s over. How could you have let something so wonderful just slip through your fingers without even realizing it? You can ask yourself this until you are blue in the face.The truth is relationships fail for all sorts of reasons. However, there are a top four that tend to tell the tale of love gone wrong, and I am going to share them with you now.

Money

It’s been said over and over again – “money is the root of all evil.” I believe that there is some truth to be told in that expression. Whether or not that is entirely true, it is indeed at the root of many relationship problems. Both partners need to be on the same page as far as money is concerned. Issues can arise when one person is a saver and the other is a spender. Any major purchases should be discussed and agreed upon prior to buying. Even daily expenditures can become a problem. Be sure you both understand where the money is coming from in your relationship and where it will go. Don’t let money be the most important thing in your relationship,…if you do, that isn’t love.

Communication

This will be the longest of the four that I have listed only because I believe that in any solid relationship, communication is KEY! Remember the song, ‘you say it best when you say nothing at all’? Well, it does not work all the time. Communication in relationships is important if you want your loved ones to be with you all your life, and for this to happen it is important to express your feelings to them and let them know what they mean to you. Today, in our daily hectic schedule, we forget to pay attention to the needs of our loved ones. We are so engaged in our daily chores, that we start taking our relationships for granted. Effects of lack of communication in a relationship are such that it makes the bond of relationship weaker by creating doubts, and disrespect. It is better to discuss and sort out your problems in any relationship, instead of living in ambiguity and suspicion.

Why Communication is Important in Relationships Lack of communication with your partner can make you feel lonely and isolated. According to psychologists, such people tend to withdraw from social activities and are emotionally vulnerable. The consequences of lack of communication are such that it affects the whole personality of the human being, and it also affects his personal, professional and social life. It is observed by psychologists and human behavior experts, that relationships with good communication not only last longer, but people in such healthy relationships seem to be happier than people stuck in unhealthy relationships. Lack of communication affects your relationship with your family members, friends as well as at your work place. It can even break existing as well as potential relationships. These day people are individualistic and believe in personal space. But too much of space only widens the gap between people.

So express yourself to your loved ones, talk about the problems in your life, share your deepest fears and secrets with each other, and cherish the best moments of life together. It will make you come closer and will make you bond stronger. At the heart of money and all other issues is generally a lack of communication. Some couples don’t talk about things that bother them. Others talk, but their conversations tend to deteriorate into arguments. Another group tends to assume their partners can read their minds and should know what is at the heart of any problem. Obviously, this isn’t the case.Putting the time and the effort into reaching a level of communication that involves equal parts speaking and listening, as well as a healthy dose of understanding and a heavy coating of thick skin can go a long way towards keeping a relationship happy.

Selfishness

Just talking about a problem isn’t enough. Every problem needs a resolution. You have to work through it! Even the best communicators can fail at this point. If either side refuses to budge, all the talking in the world won’t fix things. Stop being so damn stubborn and try to fix this! Relationships require compromise and a lot of it. Even if a couple is perfectly in sync on every issue for a long time, eventually they will run across something they don’t see eye to eye on. This is where compromise becomes necessary. Both people need to be willing to give a little so they can reach a decision they are both able to live with. Remember, this is about two of you, not just one, so think about the other person involved here.

Family

While it is wonderful to paint a picture of your relationship as existing in its own little bubble world, both people involved have families who were with them long before they met each other and will likely stick around for the remainder of their lives. The importance of this group of people cannot be ignored. They can be friends, confidantes, or even the measure against which your relationship is compared. Remember the old saying– “you don’t just marry the person, you marry the family.” Do not dismiss their family as unimportant. Do not try to break the bonds that exist between them. Instead, try to form your own bonds with the other person’s family. If that isn’t possible, at least try to keep your feelings about them from destroying the relationship you hold dear. There are certainly other problems that can affect and destroy relationships, but the above four are often at the heart of the issue. If those are kept in check, everything else can be dealt with as it comes along, and your relationship is likely to last as long as you want it to. Take my advice; Take the time to communicate and make it work!

 

 

Relationships and Communication

Did you know that the most common relationship predicament, when you boil it down to the essence of any given  problem, is communication? Yup…that’s right…if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times…Communication is key! Sure we talk in circles at times but do we really listen to what each other wants and needs? Communication is so very important in relationships, all types of relationships, not just romantic relationships, and quite frankly, the communication includes both the verbal and nonverbal varieties. 

 

Let’s get down to the basics shall we? A relationship is a connection and exchange between people. Communication plays a large role in the exchange between people. It exchanges information in the form of ideas, wants, desires, feelings, and much more. Incomplete or stopped communication can create a block in the relationship. The degree of the block can vary with the severity or repeating of the communication stop. A block in the relationship exists or will grow when communication is just flat out avoided.However, in adult relationships, this behavior only avoided the hard issues that people have to work through for the relationship to be healthy and to grow.

 
  How does one strengthen their  romantic relationship and make love last? Well, everyone’s  relationship is unique, and different and people come together for various reasons.  But there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the  basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful,  fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad: What  makes a healthy love relationship?

  • Staying involved with each  other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful  coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together.  While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication  increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the  connection and understanding may no longer be there.
  • Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while  others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong  relationship, though,  is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that  bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without  humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right. 
  • Keeping outside  relationships and interests alive. No one person  can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of  unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not  only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to  the relationship, too.
  • Communicating. Honest, direct  communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel  comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, trust and bonds are  strengthened. Critical to communication are nonverbal cues—body language like  eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm.

    Relationship advice for getting through life’s ups and  downs

  • Don’t take out your problems on your partner. Life stresses can make us short tempered. If you are coping with a  lot of stress, it might seem easier to vent with your partner, and even feel  safer to snap at him or her. Fighting like this might initially feel like a  release, but it slowly poisons your relationship. Find other ways to vent your  anger and frustration.
  • Some problems are bigger than both of you. Trying to force a solution can cause even more problems. Every  person works through problems and issues in his or her own way. Remember that  you’re a team. Continuing to move forward together can get you through the  rough spots.
  • Be open to change. Change is inevitable  in life, and it will happen whether you go with it or fight it. Flexibility is  essential to adapt to the change that is always taking place in any  relationship, and it allows you to grow together through both the good times  and the bad.
  • Don’t ignore problems. Whatever problems arise in a romantic relationship,  it’s important to face them together as a couple. If an aspect of the  relationship stops working, don’t simply ignore it but address it with your  partner. Things change, so respond to them together as they do. Talk things out…the longer you keep silent and say nothing, the more distance you are putting between yourself and your partner.
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