Why Some Men are Inconsiderate Dating Material

In relationships, there is a saying that goes like this; “Never make someone a priority when they only see you as an option.” If you don’t know what this means in the real world, you need a reality check. Relationship between two people are just that…between two people. What happens though when one of those two people seem to care more, share more, and make themselves more available and the other only seems to care about what works best for him/her? This person is selfish, needy and a real hot mess…but you won’t see that on the outside. This is the type of person that hides his/her real feelings and often acts like their life is peachy. They build up friendships, business relationships, and anything else to appease you and make you think that they are all that and a bag of chips. In retrospect, it very well maybe pretty, like someone who lies on their resume to land the right job… BUT this is a relationship, not a job, therefore, it’s time to communicate openly. You are either in it to win it and make it work, or you need to get out. Relationships are unique, but they require a lot of listening to build and grow. How can you determine if you are dating an inconsiderate man who surely isn’t good dating material? Time….give it time. 

When you begin dating someone, everything is so new, and so for the first few months it is ok to not open up and to not share as much, however, if you continue to see this person you need to make some changes. Most women that I know want a man who is attentive to them and to their needs. I’m not stating that he has to be at her ‘beck and call’  twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week, but he does need to make plans with her early in the week and set plans in advance. Most women that I know, and men too, want to have a planned schedule. I am not one to sit around and wait for someone to do something. I like to know on Monday what I am doing for the weekend. So what does a girl do if she happens to be dating someone like Mr. It’s All About Me? 

 If this man does not respect your time and always puts his priority before yours, he is selfish and inconsiderate and it is very difficult to date someone as such. However, if you care for him and you know that he reciprocates your feeling, you should give your relationship a chance. If there is a chance of love, then there is always a room for change and improvement. Here are a few things that you can do to handle your selfish and inconsiderate fella. 

The first thing you need to do is talk to him…Men don’t think clearly like women do, so put your mind frame in theirs for a moment if you will? Try and explain how his actions impact your feelings. If necessary, use examples from one of the previous occurrences to make him realize how selfish his behavior was and how much it hurt you. If there is something he does in particular like being late on dates or not calling you up on time, talk about it clearly. Tell him how his words and actions hurt you.

You do not have to ask him for justifications or reasons for that behavior but try to reach out to him as much as you can. If he doesn’t understand anything you tell him, stop talking and start pretending. If he hurts you, make it obvious through your actions. Treat him with indifference and ignorance.You don’t have to hate him but just pretend that you do when he is around. Show some selfishness in your behavior. If he doesn’t show up on time for a date, leave a message and go out on your own. Since you have never acted this way, he is bound to notice the change in your behavior.

Let him step into your shoes and understand how you feel when he acts selfish by prioritizing everything before you. It will help him to relate to your feelings and he will probably start paying more attention to his actions and that might bring about a gradual change.Only the relationship can work when both of the people make efforts to make it work and the effort should come from within the heart. If you care enough for your mate, then make the effort. This person might feel that a relationship is not a place where efforts need to be made. He might think that relationships work on their own but the truth is that they don’t. Every relationship needs a certain amount of efforts and he has to understand that his contribution is equally important. If it continues to be all about  him, him, him…it’s time to find someone who will love and appreciate you for you, you you! 

When you invest time and energy into something, you expect quick results. However, this is a person, not an object. He is a person so he needs some time to undergo emotions, realize his mistakes and then hopefully make changes. This is not something that can happen in a day. You will have to be persistent in your efforts to make him more considerate. If he is just a total moron and won’t change, or does not treat you with respect or make you first, he may not be that into you. Once or twice I’d say ok…maybe it was an oversight, but if it continues for months, it’s time to say so long. If this is the case, and I have just described you…don’t look at this as having been wasted days, weeks, or even months on this person…look at it as a tool, a learning curve for what you really do want in a man so that when the time is right, you can find the perfect fit for you. Every woman surely does deserve her ‘happy ever after.’ Do not settle. There is no “my way” or ‘your way” it has to be a combination of your efforts combined to make it work. 

myway

Single Women and WHY We Won’t Settle…

Are you middle aged and single? Are you thinking that your biological clock is ticking away and it is time to settle down? Some women fear being alone. Some women need to be taken care of. Some women need to learn how to be independent. Is it too late for love? Is a good relationship too much to ask for?  Should we settle? Years ago after my divorce I thought that being single was going to be oodles of fun! WRONG. Things are not the same, men are not the same, and times certainly have changed. Are you a good woman, a hard worker, perhaps a single parent? So many women are.

My grandmother always used to tell me to never settle. Of course I am still that hopeless romantic that things that someday, her knight and shining armor will arrive on his horse, or in his Porsche and wisk me away. A gal can hope can’t she?  She said that if I wanted to get respect I first had to have much respect for myself, and I do. Her relationship advice; she said that somewhere out there was a man out that would care for me, appreciate me and love me,…for ME, faults, bad habits and all! She also said that no woman should ever put herself or her feelings on the back burner for any man. I think when we are married or in serious relationships, we as women do tend to do this. I did. After my divorce, I never did this again. This time around it was all about me. Does this sound a little familiar? Did you give, and give and give? Some women develop very low self-esteem from divorce and bad relationships. Hang in their gals. 


Don’t you think you deserve happiness like everyone else? We all try to do the right thing and yet we question what it is that we do wrong in relationships? Oh please… there are so many things that we can or can’t do right in a relationship that it would take this blog and a few more books to list the goofy things that we do to muck things up…The secret to not settling is being clear on what you want and not being afraid to demand it. Some men are very intimidated by this. Why? This means that they are not in control, and that scares some men. 


If you don’t know what you want in a man or from a relationship, than you shouldn’t get involved with someone- PERIOD! No reason to bring someone else down if you are trying to get your act together. You wouldn’t want someone to do this to do, so don’t do it to them. Don’t try to figure it out as you go along because you will only end up hurt and confused. Even if you know what you want, what good is it if you don’t demand the respect to receive it? If you say you want to be loved and to be number one in somebody’s life, why are you sitting around waiting for a man to leave his “situation”? That doesn’t make sense right? Think about it – why settle for good when you can have great? Time for some girl talk; listen up ladies,…stop settling! My grandmother also told me to never make a man my priority if he only saw me as an option. When you date, you see this a lot.


The alternative to settling, of course, is going on more dates where you’ll have to laugh at not-so-funny jokes and rehash (over and over and over again why you are single) … Yes, you’ll have to go into why you’re still on the market as if it wasn’t already difficult enough to talk about. Some women are still on the market because they don’t want to get burned, or they are gun-shy to relationships. Perhaps they went through a bad break up or a messy divorce that dragged on and on and on?


No one has to be with someone. Some choose to do it for all the wrong reasons. The alternative is being single. So do you settle? It’s not bad, and some women actually do settle…nonetheless, it’s just, that you know that deep down you could do sooo much better, don’t you? There you have it ladies– you can settle for a so-so relationship, you can go on countless dates, or you can be single. There’s no other choice. Most women that I know of who are middle-aged and single tell me that they like dating but they don’t know if they would ever tackle marriage again. Settling down and settling are two different things here. 

 

We stay single for careers, and for ourselves…some of us are a bit selfish, and we have every right to be. No matter how accomplished a woman becomes, or no matter how many lives she saves, at the end of the day, a woman is more likely to judge her success in life based on two things: her weight and her love life. Hey, it’s a proven fact…like it or not there it is. Myself, I don’t want to be someones part-time, or spare time, or sometimes…I want to be his all the time, and if I cannot find that…I’ll stay single. 

 

Why do women settle? Here are a few examples that I found while doing research on the topic; 

  • We settle because we’re tired of people asking “where’s your date?” upon entering parties. Really? Who the hell cares if you enter alone? Many people do. 
  • We settle because having someone is better than feeling flawed because at your age you’re still single.
  • We settle because we’re just ready to stop this whole dating thing, already!
  • Don’t settle, just to settle…aren’t you worth so much more?

 

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Love…Is it an Investment?

Can love really last the test of time? My grandmother used to tell me that love was like a roller coaster ride…a wild and exhilarating thrill  that you never wanted to end! Life and Love go together hand in hand, sort of like peanut butter and jelly, or bacon and eggs. You can’t have one without the other. It’s like looking for a missing piece to your puzzle, wanting to make it fit just perfectly. Marriage is a wonderful thing but marriage is not easy and if someone tells you that it is, they were living in some fantasy land. Marriage is hard work. It’s a lot of give and take. It’s a lot of laughing, crying, and shouting at times. The problem is in today’s world that people don’t want to work hard to make something run smoothly. It’s like out with the old and in with the new.

I am sure you have heard people say from time to time; “We are going through a rough patch, and I don’t know what to do about it.” My advice (and it is not professional advice, just my own common sense advice) -try to work it out, and if you cannot, seek someones help (a true professional) to see if you can resolve some of  the issues. Don’t wait until you start hitting the bumps and bends…don’t wait until your ride gets too off track and seems too late to stop. The problem is that people don’t want to stay on the ride anymore through the ups and downs, they just want to get off. Love is thrilling and exciting. It is a nervous tension all bundled up inside of you that makes you act silly around your partner/spouse. When do people go too far though thinking that they are owed something back for all of this hard work? There is a fine line between giving love and expecting something in return. Love is not about giving and wanting to get something back. It is unconditional and needs no rendering. Some people really have their priorities screwed up!

I’ve listed a few suggestions that everyone should read and follow:

Are you always there for your partner? Did you know that husbands and wives who have supported one another in their marriages are happier. On the flip side of all this; feelings of insecurity are generally associated with lower satisfaction, and in some cases may spark conflict in the relationship. This can manifest into obsessive love. To build a successful marriage, both spouses need to be there for each other. They need to work hard to keep the doors open to communication, and they need to listen. Marriage isn’t about talk, talk, talk, no one wants a yapper 24/7. Marriage is about keeping your mouth shut sometimes even if you have to put a sock in your mouth and LISTEN to what your partner is telling you. Maybe they really do need something and you’re too busy blabbing about what you want, want want. How do I know this? It happened it me. I have learned from my own past mistakes that marriage is certainly not easy. If you do it just for shits and giggles or to get a better tax return, you are in for a big surprise. If you do it for all of the right reasons,…you know for LOVE, then it is like an investment of sorts. You are pretty much putting all of your eggs in one basket which for me was difficult because my grandmother taught me to never put them all in the same basket. She said spread them around. Listen, that’s a lot easier to do with eggs. With marriage, you have one partner for life and you can’t have additional ones while in this commitment, unless of course you are a bigamist.

Do you know the “Stages of Love”

Do long-term romantic relationships go through distinct stages of love? Sure they do! The passionate love at the beginning can’t be sustained throughout the whole marriage! Although it can provide more passion and enjoyment if you wear sexy lingerie from Simply Delicious Lingerie. That will always keep the spark in a marriage and some heat in the bedroom! If partners are aware of the “highs and lows” in love, the happier they’ll be for the long-term (because they won’t have unrealistic expectations for romance or passion). Communication is a key factor, so make sure that you always talk to your partner! Sure there are stages, but they should be growths in your marriage, not steps backward. Don’t wait until it is too late to try to figure out what might or might not have gone wrong. It’s like having asthma. Don’t wait until you can’t breathe…you know that feeling-when you feel like you just got the wind knocked out of you? Act fast! Same goes with relationships, don’t wait until he/she says ‘it’s over’ to try to fix it. By then, it’s far too late and the damage has been done already.

Let Go of the Little Things in a Relationship

The trivialities of daily life can undermine a loving relationship. Instead of getting caught up in details that are likely petty and unimportant, focus on the big picture! For example; it is not urgent that the car gets washed today, or right now! It’s not urgent that the floors be mopped and the garage get cleaned out….you’ll survive until tomorrow or the next day if this doesn’t get done right now! Stop harping on your partner to do these stupid little things that really have no bearing in a relationship at all…what they cause is arguments and you don’t want that because small arguments without communication end up getting bigger and bigger and then a few days have gone by and you still aren’t speaking and NOTHING has been resolved. My suggestion…don’t sweat the small stuff, it’ll get done. There will always be a “Honey Do” List on the fridge…so really does it matter if that list doesn’t get addressed today or this weekend? NO!

 Do You have What it takes to Maintain a Strong Friendship in your Marriage?

To build romantic love, take time and energy to be friends with your husband or wife. Learn new things together, such as how to make sushi, how to use the computer or new programs, how to change spark plugs in the car or fertilize the yard. Show some interest for heaven sakes! It’s not all about YOU! Not when it comes to being in a marriage this is a 50/50 deal and a commitment to one another that you’ll be there for each other whether it’s dealing with a big family crisis or tuning up your car.

Take an adventurous vacation together somewhere that you’ve always wanted to go, break loose and have a ball! Act like kids…no one ever wants to grow up that quickly, although sometimes some of us are forced into it sooner. Read books together about companionship,  love and building a happy marriage, and discuss them in bed at night. I dated a guy once that sat up with me until 3 am listening to me read books about marriage, relationship and why men and women do the crazything that they do and why we and act like we do. I am always gathering research for my blog articles. I really appreciated him doing that for me, and he always added his two cents but I appreciated hearing his point of views from a mans perspective. Make it a habit to talk to your partner and please, give your partner what he or she needs as much as possible.

Couples should strive for love with all the trimmings. Yes that’s right we love all the bells and whistles! Couples who’ve been together a long time and wish to get back their romantic edge should know it is an attainable goal, like most good things in life, but it does requires energy and devotion. Love is after all a very big investment. You invest in your partner like you invest your money and funds in a bank. You feel that they need to be well guarded and protected. You work hard to make your money grow and you do the same for your marriage/relationship. We don’t do all of this for years and years only to find that the other partner is tired and doesn’t want to play any longer. That’s when marriages fail.

Communication obviously shut down long before this point or somewhere along the line you could have discussed what was wrong, why you didn’t like something or why you were feeling like he/she was pulling away. Everyone is always so fast to blame the other. Especially family members who try to put a whole lot more than their own two cents in and generally they don’t know their own ass from a hole in the ground. They just like to hear themselves talk. People cannot just jump in and put blame on the other partner when they in fact have NO IDEA what truly caused this marriage to fail or have some major concerns. Sometimes people say that it just happened over night. I strongly disagree. These things take time and they diminish slowly but in a progressive pace. The problem is, that generally we are so much in love with that person that we can’t see the writing on the walls until it’s way too late! IT is too late because you did not guard your investment properly. Like a flower that needs air, and sunlight and water to grow…you forgot to give your marriage the things that it needed. Love is a two way street. If you give, you will get back without expectations.

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Finding Your Own Inner Happiness

We often look at others and wonder to ourselves “why are they so happy?” Instead, you should be taking a good hard look in the mirror and asking yourself “what makes me happy?” I have found over the years that those who dwell in the past, those that look for fault in others and those who blame are the people that have the most trouble finding their own personal inner happiness. 

 Stop judging who you are and figure out what it is that makes you happy. I call it listening to the voice of reason. Often we have to look back into our past to examine our lives so that we can focus on our future. Some people take things for granted. Don’t. Life is far too short, so remember to say thank you and to cherish memories of those people in your life who have made a tremendous impact. When I look back at my life so many people supported me, my decisions, and so many people loved me. In order to move forward in life whether it be for business or pleasure/personal, one must love them self first. Be happy for life is a gift.

1. Stop comparing yourself with others

Comparing yourself with others won’t do you any good so for crying out loud, stop it! You will either feel proud when you are above, or feel jealous and frustrated when you are below. None of them brings true happiness. So stop comparing yourself with others and simply be the best that you can be!

2. Count your blessings

There are so many things we should be grateful for, but we often forget them. Never ever take anything or anyone for granted. When you truly do realize how blessed you are, you will certainly be happier. My life is filled with people that have all impacted who I am. These people have made me the woman that I am today, and I am blessed and so grateful for those whom surround me.

 3. Find your inner voice

It’s that voice inside of you that tells you to find your own true happiness. Slow down and take some quiet time for soul searching. What will make your life meaningful? What is true happiness for you? By knowing what your heart says, it will be easier for you to align with it. My grandmother used to always say, ‘Michele, follow your heart and your gut!” Life may lead you down many of paths, some the right paths, and some the wrong paths, nonetheless, we dig deep to draw that inner strength that pushes up to keep going!

4. Reconnect with your childhood dreams

Your childhood dreams can give you clues about your true calling. Often we have to rediscover them and reconnect with them. Get them back into your life. There may be a dream waiting to become your reality.

5. Do a good deed

Giving is an essential key to happiness. While we often think that we will be happier when we receive, the truth is we are happier when we give.Sometimes the smallest things in life are free. Volunteer at a shelter, make a meal for a sick neighbor, donate your time at charity events, at hospitals.Raise money for a good cause. Give someone a hug and a smile, they are free!

 6. Spend more quality time with your loved ones

Relationships give us happiness more than any material possession in the world. Spend more quality time with your loved ones. Sometimes you only have today, so make it count! Spread the love.

 7. Pray or meditate

This is one of the most effective ways to calm your mind and get inner happiness. When you feel overwhelmed, a session of praying or meditation could help you clear your mind. It is soothing, and it will truly relax you.

8. Know yourself

You will be happier if you understand who you are. This is a must! If you don’t know yourself, you need to get to know yourself. Take a good hard look at your life as well as your immediate lifestyle. If you don’t like it, get off your high horse and make a change.

9. Say ‘thank you’

Sometimes we are so accustomed to people around us that we forget to thank to them. Always take the time to thank those around you for all that they do. Those two words can make someones day a little bit brighter!

10. Smile

Just do it! Smiling is a very simple thing to do and the effect that it has on people is contagious! There mere act of smiling can brighten your day and it may turn someones world around in just aa matter of a few seconds.

11. Listen more than you speak

You will feel happier not only by understanding yourself, but also by understanding the people around you. One simple way to do that is by listening more than you speak. Try to understand what the other person means before speaking out your thoughts. This means, don’t put your foot in your mouth. Pay close attention to what someone is saying and don’t judge them,..no one died and left you boss so be kind and caring. Pay close attention to others needs.

12. Stop judging others

Who died and left you boss? Yeah, that’s what I thought…so stop judging everyone else! Judging others will give you bad feeling toward them and there’s nothing good about that. Instead, you should look at the positive side of them. Sometimes it’s easier to see the others’ weaknesses, but looking at the positive side will brighten their day and your day, and you will feel good about yourself.

13. Focus on what you can control

Trying to change things beyond your control will only frustrate the hell out of you. Recognize what you can and can’t control, and focus solely on the things you can control. For instance, you can’t change how people around you behave, but you can change your actions and how you behave. Stay focused on changing your own behavior instead of changing other peoples. We control out own destiny, so get your life in order and set the path for your own true inner happiness.

 14. Accept yourself

Love who you are inside and out! There is no book or a law that says we must be perfect. We have imperfections and flaws. You may have some personality traits that you don’t like. Learn to just accept yourself as you are. You are unique and extraordinary, and that’s something you should be grateful for. As En Vogue once sang “Free Your Mind” and love who you are!

 15. If you are going to make promises…for heaven sakes, keep them!

You will find happiness if you stay true to your heart and one way to do that is by being a promise keeper. The more you keep your promise, the more you will be aligned with your conscience and the happier you will be in the long run. My kids will tell you that I rarely make promises. Why? They are not meant to be broken, and sometimes, we can’t hold up our end of the bargain, so then why in the world would you promise something that you know you might not be able to deliver on?

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Relationship Rules (Ladies this is a MUST READ!)

Relationship Rules

 1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing

can make him stay. Know when it’s time to let go and move on.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. He’s an adult, he surely should know how to act like one.
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. I say this all the time “Go with your GUT!” It never lets you down,…now our heart on the other hand, that’s an entirely different subject matter.
4. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be. If you aren’t clicking and it’s just not happening it “JUST AIN’T HAPPENING!”
5 . Slower is better. How can you know this person in a short period of time? Relationships “take time!” Where’s the fire? No one is in that big of a hurry, are they?
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. (this is in my woman’s handbook- the guide to being the best YOU can be!)
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then
heck no you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. Show some respect!
8. Don’t settle. NEVER, EVER, EVER……SETTLE. It’s all or nothing in a relationship!
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Cut him loose! There are plenty of men out there just waiting for his chance to win your heart and your love. Don’t waste your time on some schmuck who doesn’t give a damn about you!
10. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a
year later for staying when things are not better. Trust me….I did this for years. It only gets worse. Sometimes a relations is just too far gone to fix.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
12. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He
didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

14. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. If you don’t, how can it possibly get better?
15. Never let a man know everything too personal. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man’s behaviors. Change comes from within.
17. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has
more education or in a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20. Never borrow someone else’s man.
21. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. Wise up sister. What makes you so special or any different? Men who stray, never stay.
22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
23 . All men are NOT dogs.
24. You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two way
street.

25. Women Rule….as much as the men don’t want to admit it, we call the shots, well…..at least most of them. If he wants sex, he’ll follow your rules….we can turn it on and off like a water spicket, men on the other hand…..not so much. Respect him, YES, take orders? NO!

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Guys…Looking for a Great Woman? Are You Confident?

Many nice guys that I know like their ideal women, but they are much too busy throwing themselves a pity party because they can’t find true love. Guess what fellas? You won’t find it sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Whether you’ve always been a nice guy or are a bad boy turned good, you might need a little push in the right direction to find Ms. Right so steer clear of the wrong kind of women from now on and just focus on finding the one for you!

The fact that you’re still single has nothing to do with your character and morals. Being a nice guy works to your advantage  but you just don’t know how to leverage it in your favor yet! Say goodbye to your nice guys finish last mentality. If you could be a fly on the wall in a room full of single women, you’d know they’re not looking for bad boys because they’re bad but there’s a difference between them and you that you have to get straight so that you can pull in the attention those charismatic scoundrels seem to garner around women. Confidence is just about everything when you are trying to date.

 In the world of dating, as everywhere else, confidence is everything. Your confident (not cocky or arrogant) attitude will be key in attracting dates and meeting people. If you feel like you have little self-confidence or issues with self-esteem, you’re probably shaking your head right now and thinking that if confidence is what’s going to make or break your dating life, then you’re already in trouble. Be yourself, don’t try too hard. We women can see right through that.

 True confidence is cultivated through trying new things, whether you fail or not. You will eventually learn and succeed – confidence is not gained from doing nothing. Maybe you think you’ve got nothing to offer compared to some guys.  You need to capitalize on what you’ve got going for yourself and get over comparing yourself to others, that’s not going to help you at all. Confidence means not comparing yourself to someone else, but seeing your strengths and making the most of them. You have to look at yourself and discover your own best qualities so that you can capitalize on them.

 Here are some good ways to boost your self-confidence: This is no time to get down on yourself. This is the time to seriously boost your confidence and put your best foot forward.  Don’t use this time to find all of your terrible faults. Instead, take a break from putting yourself down and find some good points about you. Examples might be your great sense of humor, expressive eyes, excellent physical condition, great smile, intelligence, ability to cook a killer meal, or financial stability.

Don’t just look at your physical self – think about personality traits, the hobbies you enjoy and are especially good at, or your ability to make people feel at ease around you. Make a list of all the things that are cool about you – nothing is too small or ridiculous – these are the things that make you different and worthy of dates – you can build confidence around these things. If you still can’t think of what your best characteristics and talents are, ask your friends and loved ones. Remember that if the women you date are intelligent and nice, they’re going to realize that you’re not perfect and neither are they. What if she doesn’t like every single thing about you?

 Now, don’t stress, this doesn’t mean anything. If she likes enough things about you, your imperfections will be overlooked. This goes both ways and it’s just the way dating works. If she’s looking for complete perfection in a man, you don’t want her anyway – no one is going to be able to really make her happy. Confidence is projected first by body language and then by how you speak to her. You body actions say all there is to say without ever having to open your mouth. If you’re looking relaxed and comfortable you’ll project an air of confidence. This means standing or sitting straight, but not being too rigid. A smile and eye contact are very important. Becoming more confident will require you to take stock of your good qualities and the realization that no one is perfect, meaning you can stop worrying about it.

 

Getting What You Want In Bed

Are you getting what you want, and by that I mean are you getting sex the way you like it? Sure, you and your partner make love regularly but are you really satisfied with what you do together? If your answer is “Yes, I am perfectly content with my sex life,” then that’s great. But if your answer is closer to “Umm… well…not so much” then perhaps it’s time for a change. Here are some tips for getting what you want in your sex life and enjoying it with your partner.

Know what you want

This sounds painfully obvious, but it’s not as simple as you may think. There are numerous reasons why it can be hard to answer the question, What do I want? Some people shut down their desires because they feel funny about them. Others have a very limited knowledge of the countless ways that humans can express themselves sexually. Many individuals don’t understand their bodies very well so they don’t know how to work them properly either. Listen to your body…it will talk to you!

Understanding what you want requires being open to your most personal thoughts and feelings. There is no need to be judgmental about desire. What do you fantasize about, either during lovemaking or when you’re alone? Fantasies are often crazy and unrealistic, but there may be elements that could easily be acted out in the bedroom. If you believe that you are lacking in sexual knowledge, then give yourself permission to learn more through reading books, watching movies, or surfing the web.

Ask for what you want

Now that you have a good idea of what you want, share it with your partner. Try to frame your request in a positive way. Don’t complain about how dissatisfied you are with the status quo. Instead, talk about how much you love your private time together and how it exciting it would be if he or she did a certain thing. If he or she seems unwilling to consider your request, then you need to find out why. Once you understand your partner’s hesitation, you may be able to come up with a compromise that would be rewarding for both of you.

Give your partner what he or she wants

Listen, If you’re getting what you want, it’s only fair that your partner gets what he or she wants, right? A sexual relationship should be mutually satisfying or it will hit the rocks pretty quickly. Give your partner an opportunity to talk about his or her own desires and do your best to fulfill them. Ladies, don’t withhold sex as a punishment. If something is bugging you, fix the real problem instead of letting your resentment spill over into the bedroom. And gentlemen, you need to understand that pleasing and fully satisfying your partner is the most effective way of getting more sex. My advice…let your guard down and get risque!