Relationships and Trust

If you would have asked me several months ago or even a few years ago what I found most intriguing in men and being in a relationship my answer might have been something off the chart…why? Probably because I had such high expectations of what I wanted in a man and how I thought a relationship was supposed to work. It may have also been because I hadn’t been in a relationship for a lengthy enough time to give a good man a chance.

In the last several months, I’ve come to the realization that there is no perfect relationship, rather relations that are nourished with communication, and kindness. I’ve always been one who would say that if you are worth it, a man will do whatever it takes to make you happy. The truth is, it is not just about me or you. All relationships begin as a friendship and with the right nutrients and enough air to breathe on their own, they blossom over time into something that can be the start of a whole new chapter in one’s life.

 Get to know each other really well. Learn about each other’s biggest dreams and worst nightmares. We all have them, and our feelings do matter.  talk about your ideal plans for your life, where you see yourself in a few years? As mush as this doesn’t matter to many people, it is significant to some people, so lay your cards on the table. Discuss what your moral beliefs are. If you’re religious, discuss those beliefs now. Talk about how you both were raised. Share family stories that provide knowledge of how they’ve made you a better person. Learning about each other, your pasts and ideas on life is very important. Don’t carry baggage (mostly drama) into a new relationship. That is a BIG No-No, so clear the slate now!

Too many of us have preconceived notions about what relationships should or shouldn’t be. When you think a relationship should be a certain way, and yours isn’t, frustration sets in…and we all know that frustration is the number one thing that eats away at a relationship. Another ‘not so good’ sign is if you’re trying hard to make improvements and changes, but you don’t see the same level of effort on your partner’s part. It’s not an 80/20 relationship, it has to be a 50/50. There has to be some sense of “we’re trying really hard, both making changes and that’s making a difference.’” Otherwise, you will beat yourself into the ground trying to make this person happy and in the end you will only be exhausted, and no one needs a relationship where the work is harder than the enjoyment/satisfaction of what you both share.

Has your relationship gone down hill? They say that often daily routines are one of the culprits and I agree. As their responsibilities grow and roles expand, they say that couples have less and less time and energy for each other. My non-professional advice? You have to make the time, it’s really just that simple. Nothing is so important that a 5 second text message stating that you miss him/her won’t put a smile on your partners face. A brief phone call s that they can hear your voice and know that you miss them and care is all one needs to make them smile and understand that although you are swamped with work, or chores or even family stuff that you care about them and wanted to show it. I’m not stating that your relationship is going down hill fast because of romance, but if may be, that too can be fixed. Surly this doesn’t mean that the passion is gone for good. With a little planning and playfulness, you can boost passion.

With Simply Delicious and Simply Luscious Lingerie you can go from fizzle to sizzle with our sexy lingerie and our bedroom costumes. Men love affection and getting their egos stroked, so ladies, you may have to kick it up a notch…and fellas, we women love being told that we look pretty, or that we smell good, etc.

Treat him or her as you’d like to be treated. In simple terms; ‘be nice!’ It’s not fair for one person to set boundaries and then not be expected to keep the same ones. If you want his/hers respect you are going to have to earn it. Treat them the way that you’d like to be treated.

What destroys a relationship? Jealousy has been said to be the culprit in the destruction in relationships as well as marriages. Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship (or the lack thereof.) Jealousy is the root of all evil. Truth be told; you can’t make your partner feel more secure” or “change their self-confidence.” This has to be up to them to do on their own. Jealousy can weigh down a relationship because it shows lack of trust, and sweetheart, without trust, you have no relationship at all.

If you think that this is untrue, come down off that cloud in La-La-Land and get with the realities of your own insecurities and stop blaming your partner for this one. Honestly, there are so many people who are very good at the blame game and not so good at pondering how they can become better partners. Instead, they demand that their partners make  changes. This is a two-way street and no one ever said that being in a relationship/marriage would be easy. The problem at hand is this; too many people give up and don’t want to try. Divorce rates have skyrocketed over the past decade or two and why? Lack of trust, jealousy, and communication. If I have said it once I’ve said it a gazillion times. Talk, talk, talk to your partner.


Here’s how to decide if you are in the right relationship;

1) You don’t fear it, you go with the flow and enjoy the ride

2) You don’t snoop into their lives, especially their past

3) You don’t hide your relationship from people

4) You don’t act superior to them

5) You don’t lose yourself in the relationship, it’s NOT all about YOU

6) You don’t expect that person to change, you accept them JUST THE WAY THEY ARE!!

7) You don’t take, take, take

8) You miss them when they are away

9) You don’t smother them wanting to always be together, you give them space

10) You TRUST them!



10 Reasons why Women stay with the “Wrong” Guy…..

 Have you ever felt so good only to have someone make you feel so bad? Relationships are not easy, but when you find the right one and the pieces fit like a puzzle, the world is right. What happens when the pieces are the wrong fit and nothing seems to come together? It’s a nightmare…I’ve put together a list of reasons why women stay with Mr. Wrong and explain why you should run like the wind and set yourself  free from this ego crazed lunatic before you get sucked into his world.

 1. He says all the right things at the right time. Ohhhh boy…STOP THIS BUS NOW, and GET OFF! Don’t say that I didn’t warn you. It is hard to think someone is a jerk when they are telling you that you are pretty, you are smart, and that they really, really like you. A smooth talker can make you believe that even your closest friends and family are wrong. They’re good…but they are all wrong for you.

2. He does small things that make you think he cares. However, if you start to notice, these small gestures do not really cost him anything. Is he Mr. Cheapo? Perhaps…Hey, I’m not one on material possessions, but we like what we like…pay close attention gals, and watch for the “red flags.” Look for the signs, and notice this; is he really putting efforts into small gifts that make you happy or is he doing it to appease you and keep the ground neutral?

3. Ok, so he might be good in bed? Yes, sometimes great sex is all it takes for a man to keep a woman with him even when she knows the man is not right for her. Don’t give into this temptation…it’s a bad thing and you’ll only end up hurting in the end. My grandmother used to say that men are like bus stops, there on at every corner so if you don’t like this stop, carry on. It’s not just about what they do for you in bed, it’s about what they do for you day in and day out that makes your world seem so much better. Sister, fireworks in the bedroom are great, but I’d much rather have a fire in my heart than a sizzlin flame in between the sheets.

4. He is good-looking. We should know better than to judge a book by its cover, but sometimes, it is really nice to be in the arm of a man who turns heads. Who does not want to have the hottest boyfriend around? But there is more to a relationship than looks. Oh sister, you bet your sweet ass there is…don’t fall for a man for his looks. I did once, BIG MISTAKE! When you meet the right man, looks will not be the determining factor. He could be tall and bald and geeky to some, but you may see him as a man who is caring and loving and kind.

5. Why do women jump into relationships? Sometimes we don’t want to be the only single one in your group of friends. If everyone else is married or seeing someone, you do not want to feel left out or be the third wheel. Guess what? I’ve been the 3rd wheel for 13 years and my friends and family finally gave up on me finding a man who could not only satisfy me, rather make me feel emotionally happy. Funny, watch, now I’ll find the right man…because I am not looking!

6.Your friend set you up on a blind date, and now you feel like you owe it to them to keep dating him…Nahhh, says who? Uck…trust me, I’ve had some blind dates that were so bad I could write a book on them. Just because a friend tries to do you a favor doesn’t mean that you own them anything. If they want to do something fun or nice for you, let tem take you to dinner of to the movies!

7. You are thirty, forty, fifty… (or some other magic age) and feel like it is time to settle down. Do not let age define you, and do not settle for someone just because you feel like you should be married. I pity the fool who falls into this terrible trap. Your life my friend is over if your confidence is at this level…Pick yourself UP by the shoestrings and giddy up! Age may define who you are, but life can’t control what you need.

8.You do not think anyone else is interested. What is that all about? Take a good look in the mirror sister…don’t like what you see? Then fix it! It’s much easier to fix yourself than to stay with someone who is going to bring you down and treat you poorly. Again, this is a very bad excuse for staying with someone. Do not let yourself fall for someone just because you do not think there is someone better out there…Let me tell ya something…you need to take a vacation to some tropical island where there are cabana boys and hotties running around with barely anything on and then come home and tell me that there is no one out there! Girlfriend….please…Do not SETTLE! If you stay in a relationship for this reason, you are shooting yourself in the foot!

9.Why do some women think that being with someone who is not quite right is better than being alone? Were you raised on Mars for goodness sake, or DID YOU fall off the turnip truck for real and smack your nugget on the pavement?  Do not let yourself think this – you deserve to be with someone who makes you completely happy. Someone that likes the same things that you do, who is attentive to your needs, and someone who brings you up, up, up…. not down down down!

10. He is not right, but I can change him! Oh, sweetie pie if I had a dollar for every time I said this about my ex husband I wouldn’t have needed alimony or all of  his 401K, I would have been a self-made millionaire! Let me tell you a little story….You really cannot change him even if you tried. Don’t waste the time, the effort, and don’t lose sleep thinking you can make him a better man…If he is wrong for you, he is wrong for you. No if’s and’s or but’s about it! Move on before you find yourself so far into the relationship that your heart will be broken when he finally dumps you for the next new skirt he comes across who is probably much younger and more fun! Sure she’s more fun, she didn’t have to take your crap for 15 years,  raise your kids, cook your meals, cut your grass, take out your trash, snowblow the driveway, wash your dirty laundry, put up with smelly farts, your bad belching, and your gross other habits that I won’t mention. She hasn’t seen him at his peak, and she will look good to him because he’s nothing more than a man who used the wrong head.

I truly believe in karma, and what goes around comes around. It might not happen today, or tomorrow, but some day when you are least expecting it, life might just turn on him…and when it does, you’ll have moved on with your life, and will look at him as a sad, pathetic, and a lonely man who had life by the balls then threw it away for a tighter ass, nicer boobs, and a better salary. My grand mother also used to say, “They always think that the grass is greener on the other side Michele, but eventually, that grass too will need mowed!” Powerful words from a powerful woman, my best friend. Those were words that I really never stopped thinking about, and today, even though she’s passed on, I can hear her voice telling me “Don’t settle!”

 Tell me, all of you married women that are reading this right now that men don’t do this? If you were married to one like I was and they left a bad taste in your mouth, doesn’t it feel good now to see him suffer just a little? I realized how much more I deserved when I packed my bags and boarded a plane for Paris and had not a care in the world other than to spend holiday with my two young adult children that he turned his back on…and for what? A younger chicky who wanted a family, two strollers, diaper bags, bottles and screaming toddlers. Now then, let me ask you? Whose life do you think turned out better? The point that I am trying to make is that I chose NOT to SETTLE. I walked away, left the material crap and $$ behind and decided that I was going to make it on my own, and on my terms, and in my own time. Confidence…every woman needs to have it. It’s not something you can buy at the corner store, it comes from within. Dig deep ladies, because once you find it and you wear it on your sleeve like I do, you are untouchable to those men who are pond suckers and your world will open up to those men who see you for the real woman who you are in all of your glory as well as inner beauty!

I recently read this book. It’s a good one, pick it up,…you won’t want to put it down!

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